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[–]CrystianMassengill 115 points116 points ago

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Teeth.

In every movie I have ever seen, the actors have had perfect teeth, no matter what situation they were in. Refugee? Pirate? Living on an island for twenty years?

Fucking dazzling white smile!

Goddamnit, Hollywood.

[–]SerinaLightning 81 points82 points ago

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casting a really pretty girl or a really cute boy as someone who is supposedly "ugly" or undesired.

[–]WolfMaster5000 6 points7 points ago

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Come on over to Game of Thrones with me. We have Brienne for you :]

[–]ShibuyaStation 249 points250 points ago

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When women wake up in the morning fresh out of bed with perfect makeup and hair...As a girl I can confirm that just does not happen. If I go to bed with makeup still on, when I wake up my mascara and eyeliner is smeared everywhere, and my hair is a thick mess.

[–]garenzy 232 points233 points ago*

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That's when you're sexiest.

[–]korukyu 76 points77 points ago

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Bless your heart, good sir.

[–]ShibuyaStation 48 points49 points ago

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Aw really?

[–]suto 47 points48 points ago

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I'm trying to decide whether garenzy is (a) making a general comment about when women are sexiest, (b) your SO, or (c) stalking you.

[–]ShibuyaStation 31 points32 points ago

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I'm single so B isn't an option.

I really hope it's A then.....

o.O

[–][deleted] 53 points54 points ago

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Don't worry. I've been watching him watch you...and he never even comes within 50 feet of you. He's a pretty timid stalker.

typing quietly from inside garenzy's closet.

[–]Toribor 32 points33 points ago

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A woman frazzled with messy makeup and bad hair after sexytime is hot.

Kind of one of those 'Yeah... I fucked you crazy.' sort of badass feelings.


"Oh God my hair is such a mess"

-Fuck yeah it is.-

[–]O_OWHISPER 35 points36 points ago

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You also never hear any queefing during a passionate love scene now do you?

[–]Kunkletown 23 points24 points ago*

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Honestly, I've never experienced queefing during "passionate" sex. It only seems to happen with the furious porno sex.

[–]Jonthrei 8 points9 points ago

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I have experienced far too much queefing.

get her wet enough and sex becomes a carnival of comedy sound effects.

[–]Skulder 10 points11 points ago

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Passionate is also another word for furious.

Though in most contexts, people use it to mean "tender".

[–]DeweyFat 184 points185 points ago

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Women who look like models beating up 200 pound men.

I'm not sexist; Cyborg Santos will fuck my Irish ass up. Lucy Liu, however, will get thrown through a wall.

[–]thyyoungclub 98 points99 points ago

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Gah, this annoys me so much. There's a difference between breaking gender stereotypes and trying to make physically impossible events occur. (I am a 5'7" 126lb female. I will not be able to take down Channing Tatum, no matter how badly my family needs to be avenged.)

[–]Faranya 61 points62 points ago

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I only have a problem with this when it is a straighforeward brawl. No, a 100 pound woman is not going to be ok after that 300 pound boxer just punched her in the face.

However, if the smaller individual is fighting dextrously, avoiding being hit and striking at vital areas like eyes and neck, I'm fine with the little guy/girl winning.

[–]augusttremulous 12 points13 points ago

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See: Waif Fu

[–]never_odd_or_even 213 points214 points ago

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Any film that portrays computer hacking, I've never once seen it done right.

[–]rlSpam 58 points59 points ago

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Like creating a GUI in Visual Basic to track a suspect's IP address?

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points ago*

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Have you seen that one Alias episode movie Unthinkable where Microsoft Excel is open and there was random jumble like jkshajkhstjkhs in the cells and apparently pressing enter disarmed a bomb? I died inside.

[–]Zorcmsr5 13 points14 points ago

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Link? I could go for being furious/laughing my ass off

[–]Soular 90 points91 points ago

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Double hacking!! *unplugs monitor. "Lol guys I.fixed it!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y2zo0JN2HE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

[–]homeyG75 7 points8 points ago

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Damn, I've seen this so many times in comments. It never gets old.

[–]NamelessAce 5 points6 points ago

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This makes me cringe every time.

[–]Zardaxx 6 points7 points ago

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I like how she wears a spiked dog collar to work.

[–]O_OWHISPER 25 points26 points ago

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Excuse yourself from Christmas dinner and look for the nearest computer. You have until someone comes to find you to hack this computer/furiously type gibberish. When your Mum comes in just as the computer shuts down tell her you were just looking for the bathroom.

[–]StabbyPants 27 points28 points ago

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The Matrix - Trinity actually does do hacking mostly right - aside from the whole wearing pvc everywhere and superhuman feats.

[–]jhudsui 30 points31 points ago

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Speaking as someone with a Master's in Computer Security, I assure you Trinity's wardrobe is an integral part of her exercise of the discipline.

[–]juke_the_stats 47 points48 points ago*

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The Matrix II. Trinity runs nmap on a network. And then uses the fictional "sshnuke" to run a buffer overflow and change the root password to "Z1ON0101". In a terminal. here. It's just a few seconds of screen-time but in the theatre I definitely recognized nmap.

[–]AllPowerfulWaffle 39 points40 points ago

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That 'sshnuke' script is actually the SSH1 CRC exploit from ~2001. The entire scene was totally feasable, given the server she connected to was running a version of SSH that was vunerable to this exploit.

[–]abledanger 18 points19 points ago

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Why can't the damn machines keep their SSHD up to date?

[–]possessed_flea 9 points10 points ago

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because some genius programmer decided that they will all use SSH tunnels to communicate with their main servers and themselves, As it turns out when one tries to restart the SSH Daemon all connections are dropped and the entire matrix stops.

[–]I_READ_YOUR_EMAILS 6 points7 points ago

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Restarting SSHd doesn't kill existing sessions!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Swordfish?

[–]kleiner352 10 points11 points ago

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The new Girl With the Dragon Tattoo has a few scenes that are probably the best example I've seen in a movie; actually shows coding at one point as well, which I appreciated.

[–]Dodobird133 4 points5 points ago

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wait, you mean it's not actually just typing two words and clicking on a button?

[–]thesuspiciousone 14 points15 points ago

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You have to admit, if it was done "right," the scene would be pretty boring.

[–]binary 12 points13 points ago

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The Social Network! Although it doesn't actually portray the act of hacking (because writing a script is boring as hell) the scene in the movie where the CS students are competing for a position at Facebook, and Zuckerberg describes the competition is actually not too delusional.

[–]Zambeezi 200 points201 points ago

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"Take that 2 pixel by 2 pixel image and enhance it! Can you see the perp on in the corner at 1080p resolution?"

[–]MisterNiceGuy001 68 points69 points ago

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No, but this computer program can do so if I type random keys on the keyboard. clickity clackity clickety clack clack click clackety click ENTER ....... Done!

[–]blow_hard 35 points36 points ago

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[–]_Madk 42 points43 points ago

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uncrop!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]i8wg 51 points52 points ago

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Exploding cars.

Also, protagonist crashes into numerous other cars, jumps over "randomly" appearing ramp, car hits ground and of course it still drives with no axis broken...

[–]wouldyounotlikesome 82 points83 points ago

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with no axis broken

that is just plane wrong

[–]dnastrand 23 points24 points ago

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I know! Deriving is harder than the movies make out!

[–]Fouburrito 49 points50 points ago

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When a group of bad guys attack the hero one at a time. See also: Video games.

[–]Zambeezi 20 points21 points ago

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Assassin's Creed...

[–]Mr_McGrumpypants 10 points11 points ago

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Don't see: the Rocksteady Batman games. Also, Dark Souls.

Neither of them have enemies all that interested in taking your shit.

[–]Erebus77 103 points104 points ago

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Most boat things.

1) The captain rarely if ever steers the ship. He/She has people for that.

2) Most modern vessels don't have a big wooden wheel. They are mostly steered with jog-sticks now. Virtually all modern vessels are equipped with some form of autopilot.

3) Ships don't just pull up to a dock and "stop". You need bow/stern lines, spring lines, breast lines, etc. THEN you need to put out a gangway to get off the ship. None of this seems to happen in movies (I'm looking at you, ROTK).

4) The ocean is deep. You can't just anchor ANYWHERE.

5) Speaking of anchors: they work by digging into the sea floor like a plow, to prevent a ship from drifting away. Their physical weight isn't very great in comparison to the ship, and simply dropping it straight down so it's just sitting there won't do anything.

6) You can't sneak on board by dressing like a member of the crew and nonchalantly wandering up the gangway. Most cargo ships have a crew of less than 20, and they work together in close quarters for months on end. Not only do they recognize each other, after any length of time they know a shocking amount about each others' lives. You will not go unnoticed.

edit for wall of text.

[–]AmericanDerp 69 points70 points ago

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Ships don't just pull up to a dock and "stop". You need bow/stern lines, spring lines, breast lines, etc. THEN you need to put out a gangway to get off the ship. None of this seems to happen in movies (I'm looking at you, ROTK).

To be fair, it was three superhuman guys jumping off the boat to the dock, followed by like 75,000 ghosts. I don't think they needed boating protocol and a gang plank.

[–]dnastrand 15 points16 points ago

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Yeh, don't question the dead.

[–]Orichalcon 4 points5 points ago

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Why did the ghosts need a boat?

[–]bahhumbugger 28 points29 points ago

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5) Speaking of anchors: they work by digging into the sea floor like a plow, to prevent a ship from drifting away. Their physical weight isn't very great in comparison to the ship, and simply dropping it straight down so it's just sitting there won't do anything.

Merchant Mariner here, you're actually totally wrong on this. The Anchor isn't used to 'dig' anything, preferably it wouldn't dig at all (gotta wash the mud off). No, the anchor itself is only used as a way to let out anchor chain. 5-7 shots of chain (90 feet per shot) depending on the bottom type (if mud use less, if rocky use more).

Anchor chain is enormously heavy, and it's the weight of the chain which holds the vessel 'at anchor'.

[–]Whatevs4888 5 points6 points ago

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How many boat movies do you watch, good sir? Last one I saw was Titanic.

[–]BelleWynne 143 points144 points ago

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COFFEE!!! When actors carry their coffee cups or mugs and there is obviously NO coffee in the cups because they carry it so carelessly. In real life it would spill. AND you can tell they're taking fake sips.UGHH gets me every time.

[–]BackstageLeft 78 points79 points ago

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Props Master for theatre here.

When I provide coffee cups for actors I always weigh down the damn cups with something (usually a little water if the actors never drink it, actual coffee if they do), so this absolutely infuriates me seeing it in movies.

[–]TehAubz0rz 3 points4 points ago

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As a fellow theatre person, this drives me crazy as well! We ALWAYS have something in cups. Do films just get lazy or something? I guess I can imagine that if they're doing many scene takes the actors could get pretty tired of drinking something, but I dunno. Just seems unrealistic. Love your username, by the way! :)

[–]buddaslovehandles 14 points15 points ago

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They really should weight those cups so that they move correctly.

[–]abledanger 13 points14 points ago

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In Weeds, she (whatever her name is) has the same almost empty coffee cup in every episode.

[–]reneelikeshugs 8 points9 points ago

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i've successfully held a full cup of coffee (with no lid) whilst riding on a golf cart going up the side of a rocky hill with many ruts without spilling a drop.

however, that was my challenge and i was paying very close attention to it... so, sigh, you win.

[–]quiet_desperado 38 points39 points ago

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On a related note, I always notice when props like fake stones or other items that should have a decent amount of weight to them are obviously very light and get carried or moved around with hardly any effort at all.

[–]remmycool 85 points86 points ago

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You also only notice when you notice. When you don't notice, you have no idea.

[–]10000gildedcranes 7 points8 points ago

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I ALWAYS look for this.

[–]PKMKII 46 points47 points ago

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That any blow to the back of the head or neck will conveniently knock someone out for 20-30 minutes (or as much time is needed for the plot), at which point they will wake up perfectly fine. Most of the time, that will either result in a person going "Oww," them falling unconscious for <5 minutes, or falling unconscious for longer and suffering serious brain damage or death.

Cars exploding from running into something or getting shot at.

Cops that can repeatedly disregard all protocols, civil rights, etc., and never suffer so much as a write-up.

Not so much a mistake, but Hollywood films in which all Europeans have English accents.

[–]Exponentiallyrandom 138 points139 points ago

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Silencers are much louder than the 'pew' sound you hear in movies.

[–]Celebutaunt 179 points180 points ago

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People not saying hello or goodbye when talking on the phone. Also how most people automatically know who they'll be talking to as soon as they pick up, without looking at call display or anything. That shit doesn't fly in real life.

[–]BALTIM0R0N 98 points99 points ago

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Or making unspecific plans. A character meets another, one thing leads to another, and then he says "I'll pick you up at 8..." and walks away.

Did you maybe want to get her address or phone number?

[–]kirstead 66 points67 points ago

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You have to suspend your disbelief. Movies would be tedious if we had to have all of those things.

[–]dirtpirate 54 points55 points ago

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Scumbag TV telephone conversations. Doesn't say hello, repeats every single sentence uttered by other caller.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]RandomExcess 13 points14 points ago

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because every phone dialogue starting with "hi" and ending with "bye" gets annoying after a while and would result in a new drinking game. Commonly repeated patterns always get annoying when presented in movies/TV/plays/books, unless it is being used for plot or clever structure.

[–]Aadarm 15 points16 points ago

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Unless it's a business call or stranger I don't say hello or goodbye.

[–]Faranya 13 points14 points ago

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How in the fuck do you start your conversations then?

[–]macmeyers50 45 points46 points ago

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The sound of being punched in the face. What the fuck is with that loud awkward sound. I've only ever seen a few movies do it right.

[–]AveofSpades 123 points124 points ago

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The fact that every bad guy ever can't aim a gun worth a shit. Whomever is in charge of 'Evil Villian Academy' needs to get his shit together and start hiring better teachers.

[–]WuhanWTF 11 points12 points ago

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Passchendaele's "bad guys" are painful to watch.

[–]a_sentient_rock 40 points41 points ago

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People pointing guns at eachother while standing at point blank range.

Do they really want to be disarmed so badly? Would it really hurt to stand a few feet further away?

[–]Selectivefire 71 points72 points ago

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Car tires that screech on dirt or grass.

[–]Blink_ 27 points28 points ago

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Also prius' and other generic cars "hauling ass" squealing away

[–]StabbyPants 25 points26 points ago

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prius' can haul ass, but it requires a tweak on the computer. They've got some stupid amount of torque in the electric motors.

[–]mrsaiko 76 points77 points ago

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Cars have an infinite number of gear changes.

[–]Tubasaurus 73 points74 points ago

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Accelerating? Shift.

Decelerating? Shift.

Turning? Shift.

Cruising? Shift.

Checking the mirrors? Shift.

Shifting? Shift.

[–]Nunu2324 20 points21 points ago

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Or when people in movies are shifting automatics.

[–]RaptorMuhammad 35 points36 points ago

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Any movie/commercial/etc. where the actor is playing an instrument horrendously wrong. I don't think they should need to be professional musicians but seriously, take the time to at least look like you're faking correctly. This is annoying with people playing guitars (its not always completely obvious but you can tell when someone is faking it with no idea what they're doing) but its even worse with drums, and basic drum technique (ie. looking believable on film) is really not very difficult.

[–]justskidding 5 points6 points ago

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Yes yes yes. People do not know how to hold a fucking saxophone. And nobody ever takes the time to reference them to draw. All woodwinds are the same way. I see people get hands switched all the time. Left on top, for EVERY woodwind.

I can also tell when you're just hitting random keys, but I know it's too hard to memorize a fingering chart.

[–]fancytalk 4 points5 points ago

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Bowed instruments are about as bad as drums and bother me a lot because I play violin/viola. Real musicians playing these instruments generally have very specific form/posture that actors almost always completely fail to demonstrate. Then there is the way the sound comes out with the notes flying all over the place, up and down the range of the instrument and the actor is just sawing away on one string.

What especially bothers me is when musicians in the background obviously don't know how to play. I understand not focusing on musical ability for casting speaking actors, but is it really so hard to find an extra that can play the cello for that one party scene?

[–]nerdscallmegeek 104 points105 points ago

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When there are dialog scenes in a moving vehicle and the driver is just not paying attention at all.

There are still payphones everywhere.

[–]SSG_Schwartz 41 points42 points ago

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For that matter, driving 100mph, dodging traffic, avoiding gunshots with the windows down. Yet the occupants in the car can carry on a conversation at normal volume, instead of, "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!!!!! NO, WHAT DID YOU SAY, I WAS BUSY SHOOTING!!!!"

[–]in_SI_that_is 124 points125 points ago

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161 kilometres per hour

[–]TeddyBane 16 points17 points ago

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You are just something else.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Thank you for existing. I always turn imperial units into something even more abstract, like "volkswagen beetles per library of congress" (thank you slashdot) or "stiletto heels per quark" or something like that.

[–][deleted] 68 points69 points ago

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How every firearm ever used in a movie. EVER. Seems to have no need to have a mag change. unless it ties into the movie somehow, Like if the hero runs out of ammo and has to get into a fist fight.

[–]helodriver87 36 points37 points ago

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Anything to do with basic weapon handling. Pump action shotguns sound significantly less intimidating when you're ejecting perfectly good shells.

[–]Faranya 31 points32 points ago

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"You see that shell? Fuck it, I don't even need it to kill you."

[–]i_hate_lamp 47 points48 points ago

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It's actually kind of difficult to edit the shots together to form a coherent ammo limit. In one scene, they can have a dozen different takes shot from different angles of the same actor, now factor in the dozen or so takes each from the other actors, and splicing them all together becomes a nightmare. You have to match up audio (even if sound effects are dubbed in, the speech has to match the lips, the gun firing action has to match up, etc.).

Having one guy sit there and manipulate the shots the way the director(s) and producer(s) want it has to come down to the convention of never ending magazines, unless it's a scripted reload event.

This used to bug me, too, until my cousin (who works for a small editing company in LA) made me realize that it wasn't as simple as I thought it was.

[–]napoleonsolo 23 points24 points ago

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On the one hand, it isn't simple, but on the other hand films have script supervisors and the like looking for continuity mistakes. It's just not worth the effort to count whether he fired six shots or only five because they feel lucky punk.

[–]crimsondelorean 29 points30 points ago

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Semi-trucks!! In movies they travel 70 miles an hour and never slow down when they are about to hit something. They just honk at the last minute and even if they drive the other guy off the road or hit something they don't ever stop to see if they are ok, just just keep barreling down the road.

[–]Blink_ 28 points29 points ago

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This one isn't necessarily a mistake, but it is a funny constant that bugs me. Eating food. The next time you watch a tv show or movie -- doesn't matter which -- watch as they purchase or make brand new food, take a bite, and throw it away or leave it just sitting there.

Obviously there's no time to watch them eat a whole meal. It's just that they're looking for filler and think: just have him start on a hot dog.

[–]xdonutx 23 points24 points ago

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Practicality speaking, an actor shouldn't be eating an entire meal for like, 20 takes. They'll explode.

[–]catvllvs 57 points58 points ago

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Junkies injecting incorrectly.

[–]womblefish 54 points55 points ago

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They probably do that intentionally, in the same way that people in movies always slit their wrists the wrong way.

i.e. If someone copies what they see in the movie it won't work properly.

[–]gabrielle1106 24 points25 points ago

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Every Latin American country = Mexican music. FUCK OFF.

[–]KhanOfBorg 49 points50 points ago

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When the protagonist has finally knocked down the 'bad guy' and proceeds to run away. You know that they're going to get back up again later and come find/kill everyone. Why not just finish them off, or, if faint of heart, tie them up securely and guard them with a knife/gun while the authorities show up?

Also, if you hear creepy noises and think that a serial killer might be out in the woods, why would you proceed to go outdoors (usually at night) to search for them like you're some kind of hero? Barricade your cabin/whatever, get weapons, and sit in the middle of room (or secure hiding place), paying attention to all doors and windows. Hopefully you weren't silly enough to not bring a cell phone or other means of communication.

[–]10000gildedcranes 12 points13 points ago

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Izzard responds to your second paragraph. (the part you're talking about kicks in around 7:40)

[–]BMan3000 67 points68 points ago

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When there's a countdown (say, if a bomb is about to explode) and people are trying to escape, the seconds it takes to get out never matches the scene has taken to run. The part in Independence day when they arm the A-Bomb and fly out in like, 40 seconds yet there's 30 on the detonation clock is a prime example of this.

[–]charlotte-shazam 46 points47 points ago

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Or what about bombs having countdowns at all? No realistic bomb has a digital display w. a countdown on it. (and if it did have a display, why not set it to go off at 26 seconds or something?)

[–]womblefish 29 points30 points ago

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But if a bomb did have a big digital display, cutting the detonator wire would not stop the digital counter. (Just nothing would happen when it got to zero.)

[–]Bedeone 5 points6 points ago

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It is said that terrorists use wrist watches to set off bombs. Open watch up, use the leads that go to the speaker to produce a signal, set timer.

The US actually detained people because they owned these watches

[–]2DegreesOfSeparation 5 points6 points ago

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If I built a bomb, I would put a digital display on it. However, the display would be inaccurate, perhaps 2-5 minutes behind the actual count, just to fuck with whoever found it.

[–]thyyoungclub 22 points23 points ago

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I always count down in my head to check.

[–]Timpdapimp 11 points12 points ago

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When someone goes underwater, I force myself to stop breathing until they can.

[–]krackbaby 20 points21 points ago

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Independence Day is just getting reamed in this thread

[–]fancytalk 83 points84 points ago*

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Pretty much any portrayal of scientific research. It isn't sexy to show teams of people throwing themselves at problems for their whole careers, much better to have one brilliant and motivated person figure things out in a matter of weeks.

I've been watching Grey's Anatomy recently and it is terrible with this. One character is trying to make artificial cartilage in her spare time and gets asked "Why not leave it up to the biochemists?" to which she responds "Because they don't want it like I do."

You know what? Fuck you! I am an aspiring scientist and find the implication that medical researchers "don't want it" extremely insulting. Now, there are many criticisms you can make about medical research and doctors certainly should have a role in the process but many researchers live and die for their results. The reason medicine is not perfect is because these are really hard problems. It's not something they can just figure out in their spare time, they go to schools for decades and make research their life's work.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

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xkcd had a "movie science vs. real science" comic a while back that was really good - all sorts of mad-scientist shit juxtaposed with some people in lab coats waiting for a centrifuge to be done.

[–]upvoter222 32 points33 points ago

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[–]capt_potato 44 points45 points ago

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Crawling through perfectly clean ventilation ducts in buildings. What it really looks like

[–]hybridtheorist 23 points24 points ago

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Can we let Die Hard off because the Nakatomi Plaza is a brand new building?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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In black mesa the ventilation ducts are only clean because gordon is crawling through them way too often.

[–]sirdrizzzle 21 points22 points ago

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"Zoom in and Enhance"

[–]trekbette 23 points24 points ago

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  • People hanging up phones without staying goodbye or really anything.

  • Star Trek is the most guilty of this... ringing the doorbell and when no one answers in two seconds, announcing no one is home.

  • Someone (usually the hero) getting shot, particularly in a vital area, and continuing on as though it is just a scratch.

  • If there's a fat person, they are going to be stupid, greedy and/or on the side of the bad guy. They won't be the main bad guy, more like a minion.

  • An explosion does not cause any damage to anyone, even if they are in the blast zone. I love this scene from The Other Guys: SPOLIER!

[–]DTMark 19 points20 points ago

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cars that can go 80mph in reverse. shit will top out at 20-30 max

[–]i_hate_lamp 19 points20 points ago

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Fun fact for those that don't know, reverse is the usually the same as 1st gear, as they are usually connected to each other inside the transmission.

[–]latebaroque 21 points22 points ago

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I hate how in "hacking" scenes the computer monitor is also a projector that projects whatever is on the screen onto the user's face.

Apparently if the code from some unnecessarily graphically dramatic os is dancing upon your face, you're super pro.

[–]apaintingofmyshoe 39 points40 points ago

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Silencers don't silence guns, they just give them a weird reverberating sound to disguise their place of origin.

Any Hollywood "science".

[–]katesrepublic 19 points20 points ago

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When an unconscious/dead body is found and they barely touch their wrist for like one second and conclusively announce "NO PULSE". Ah, no shit moron, maybe you're doing it wrong?

[–]jl97332 16 points17 points ago

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When police in movies clear a room with their weapons pointed at the ceiling.

Unless the bad guy is hiding in the ceiling that gun ain't gonna do a helluva Lotta good pointed there.

[–]Mowgli3 32 points33 points ago*

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"Human only use 10% of their brains." Um, maybe you do, but I'm not comatose or completely functionally retarded.

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points ago

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How in every high school movie all the kids just hang out in the hallways all day long. In real school were rushing to get across the building to not be late for class

[–]russianout 28 points29 points ago

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Someone strikes a match and pretty much lights the whole room.

[–]Takingbackmemes 4 points5 points ago

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You'd be suprised how well a match can do once your eyes are adjusted

[–]joeyjojo667 150 points151 points ago

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Seth Rogen getting the girl.

[–]jintana 83 points84 points ago

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Girl here. He's more attractive than most of the male lead-character douchenozzles out there to me.

[–]littlebombadil 60 points61 points ago

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Gay here. He's a sexy bear cub and I would pounce on him in a heartbeat!

[–]Jonthrei 52 points53 points ago

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straight guy here. i'd totally go drinking with the dude.

[–]DMF171 137 points138 points ago

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Cab driver here. I'd totally drive him somewhere if he paid me the appropriate fare.

[–]Jubber 7 points8 points ago

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If I were Gimly, he could totally have my axe.

[–]betelgeux 39 points40 points ago

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Stuka dive horns on any aircraft in a dive.

Planes in a dive do NOT go WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

[–]Axemantitan 18 points19 points ago

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Junkers_Ju_87#Ju_87B

The B-1 was also fitted with "Jericho trumpets", essentially propeller-driven sirens with a diameter of 0.7 m (2.3 ft) mounted on the wing's leading edge directly forward of the landing gear, or on the front edge of the fixed main gear fairing. This was used to weaken enemy morale and enhance the intimidation of dive-bombing. After the enemy became used to it, however, they were withdrawn. The devices caused a loss of some 20–25 km/h (10-20 mph) through drag. Instead, some bombs were fitted with whistles on the fin to produce the noise after release.

[–]G-Winnz 14 points15 points ago

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Another gun-related one: shooting through a scope. View through the scope is rock-steady. Video games are a bit better, showing a slight wiggle, but it's really a lot worse, and holding your breath doesn't make your hold go solid.

[–]karlhungis 25 points26 points ago

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Military uniforms and haircuts.

[–]Lakshata 11 points12 points ago

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Explosions causing fire.

[–]thyyoungclub 11 points12 points ago

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The impossible shit they do in sports movies bothers me greatly. All these high school athletes can suddenly pull out bicycle kicks and throw a 60 yard spiral for a touch down. AND THEY BREAK BASIC RULES. I've never heard of being able to bring in players during playoffs from other schools in an interscholastic competition.

[–]staplesgowhere 26 points27 points ago

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Camcorder video playback on a TV shows a viewfinder rectangle and blinking REC indicator.

[–]Mish106 5 points6 points ago

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This. So very much.

[–]Spraypaintfire 11 points12 points ago

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People in a meeting yelling out random technical jargon that doesn't make any sense.

[–]Snorfalorf 523 points524 points ago*

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Alright here's a few paragraphs I've come up with, followed by a few links to justify my points expressed throughout this note.

FIRST:

A defibrillator can not restart a heart if it has already stopped. Jesus cunt shitting fucking christ, I have literally never, in my entire life, seen a defibrillator employed correctly on any television show, movie, or commercial EVER. It can correct ventricular fibrillation (a state where the muscles in the heart are contracting randomly, causing the heart to quiver rather than beat) by actually stopping the heart temporarily with the hopes that it will resume beating again with a normal rhythm. If the heart has already stopped completely, if there are no contractions of any kind, the defibrillator would be useless, as stopping the heart more wouldn't lead to anything.

SECOND:

When a planet "blows up", it does not send out a single concentric ring of energy/force/debris/whatfuckingever. Lucas needs to be shot in the head for starting that bullshit.

THIRD:

I absolutely fucking hate it when I see television employ the use of people CARRYING and I mean CARRYING around fucking Browning .50cal and MG42 variant machine guns like they were nothing.

First off, those guns weigh over 60 pounds each and they fire .50 and .38 caliber rounds that are taller than a dollar bill placed vertically and whose rounds fire at over 13,144 lbf (Foot pounds). That's like a fucking cannon shot on every round fired.

And yet our hero runs valiantly through jungles mowing any and all in his way.

FOURTH:

YOU CANNOT DEFLECT A LASER WITH ANOTHER LASER FUCK YOU STARWARS

ALSO, THERE IS NO SOUND IN SPACE MEANING YOU WOULD NEVER HEAR THE SHIPS ZIPPING AROUND LIKE FUCKING SCREAMING DRAGONS

FIFTH:

Say you get shot in the head, you would think your head would blow back, right? Wrong. Your head follows the turbulence caused by the bullet's trajectory, meaning you would actually lean forward, not back (This is why the JFK assassination is a total mystery)

SIXTH:

Any time Occam's Razor is mentioned when characters are trying to figure something out

OCCAM'S RAZOR IS NOT "THE SIMPLEST SOLUTION IS MOST OFTEN CORRECT"

HOLY SHIT I CAN NOT EXPRESS MY RAGE AT THIS ENOUGH

Occam's Razor is this: All other things equal, the solution WITH THE LEAST ASSUMPTIONS is most likely correct.

SEVENTH:

Watching Independence Day is excruciatingly painful to watch.

Overlooking the fact that Jeff Goldblum had his Eureka moment by realizing the way to disable the computer-controlled shield was computer hacking (Who would have thought that? Only his genius father.), disregarding the fact that he managed to code a "virus" (technically a trojan) within 10 minutes, and whistling inconspicuously at the fact that he had no idea what the fuck kind of architecture the alien computers are built on, there is one moment in this film that turned my face the colors of the rainbow: The moment he used his laptop to "connect to host", and "upload virus".

I can't even begin to explain in how many ways this is worthy of atomic rage. Firstly, the fact that the aliens are using a network that follows human rules, as if they were sent the latest TCP/IP RFCs and were happy to oblige. Second, for fuck's sake, a loading bar? Are modern computers so advanced as to know how much it takes to connect to an alien mothership? What the hell? And how about physical device connection? What did he use? A "universal" serial bus? Then there's the whole "uploading virus" business, which would make a skiddie chuckle. IT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS EVEN ON HUMAN COMPUTERS MUCH LESS IN THE ADVANCED SUPERCOMPUTERS THE ALIENS ARE USING FUCK. And then there's the whole thing of writing a GUI for all this, as if anyone else besides the coder was going to use it.

EIGHTH:

A LASER CANNOT DESTROY A PLANET

IT CAN CUT IT IN HALF AND WHAT NOT BUT IT WILL NEVER MAKE IT EXPLODE

HOLY TITS EIGHT AND A HALF

The idea that aliens will be pretty much the same as us and will eat food that we can eat. Because apparently they independently evolved the usage of the same twenty left-handed amino acids and right-handed sugars. The idea that we will land on alien worlds and start eating their fruit and shit. Protip: it's going to taste bad and will kill you. Taste is a chemical detection system and will only work if random alien plants on random alien planets happen to use fructose and mango flavinoids or some shit instead of an assload of other possible sugars.

Oh, and DNA. Apparently everything in the universe happens to use DNA as genetic material. The idea that DNA contains any meaningful genetic "memory" (Assassin's Creed is retarded.)

And one episode of Star Trek Voyager had some people evolving into lizards because it was a logical progression of how humans had evolved from lower animals even though evolution happens in context and DNA doesn't have a directional memory.

fuck people don't understand basic biology

NINTH:

Numbers - Luckily I'm able to speak 1337

CSI - GUI interface using visual basic to track the killers IP address I MEAN C'MON VISUAL BASIC

CSI - Quick reflect the image off her cornea I MEAN CHECK OUT THAT FUCKING RESOLUTION

CSI - Who knew IP address tracking was so easy? THE LIMIT IS 255 YET THE KIDDIE HACKERS HAVE 359 WHAT THE FUCK

THEY PLAY PRINCE OF PERSIA TO UNLOCK TERRORIST CODES WHAT THE FUCK

.50cal round

EDIT: I FIXED SOMETHING ABOUT THE GUNS YEAH

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]i_hate_lamp 86 points87 points ago

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About Independence Day, #6 on this list explains the deleted scene that (while still flimsily) explained how he was able to do it.

But in the seven minutes of cut scenes included in the extended release Independence Day DVD, Goldblum is actually shown tinkering with his PowerBook inside the recovered craft from the Roswell crash site, mumbling something about how the spaceship was running off the same programming language he was able to decipher before (when he first uncovered their invasion plans and all that).

So, he presumably worked from there and was able to code some disruptive program and translate it into their language or whatever. It's still flimsy as hell, but it at least proves the filmmakers were aware of and willing to address the problem, thus defusing a decade and a half of pent-up nerd-rage.

Still not a very good explanation, but it's better than magic.

[–]thehybridfrog 37 points38 points ago

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Can you watch a sci-fi movie without storming out of the theater or being escorted off the premises by security?

[–]intmax64 38 points39 points ago

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Lightsabers in Star Wars aren't laser swords, instead they are described to be made of plasma contained in a force field.

[–]Apheal 63 points64 points ago

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Remind me to never watch a movie with you.

[–][deleted] 58 points59 points ago*

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You know you're wrong on the machine guns, right? An M2 .50 cal doesn't shoot .48 caliber rounds, it shoots .50 cal rounds (not sure how you got that mixed up) and an MG42 shoots 7.92mm rounds (just above .30 caliber, not .43).

A .50 cal weighs over 100 lbs yes, but machine guns like the MG42 are NOT 60 lbs and are meant to be carried (but not fired unsupported). Also, the MG42 has a particularly high rate of fire making it difficult to control, but modern comparable MGs like the M240 are able to be fired unsupported in a controlled manner, although its not easy nor is it recommended.

EDIT it's amazing that your edits are still wrong. An MG42 is .31 cal (7.92mm).

[–]Snorfalorf 41 points42 points ago

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CORRECTIONS ARE IN ORDER

[–]coleosis1414 20 points21 points ago

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Assuming my calculations are correct, I believe that a change in decoration is in order!

Gryffindor wins.

[–]AmericanDerp 18 points19 points ago*

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The idea that aliens will be pretty much the same as us and will eat food that we can eat.

This is why Stargate is so fucking awesome and is underrated. There are like what, 6 major sentient species we see?

  • Go'auld. 3 foot long space worms.
  • Wraith. Evolved from Lanteans corrupted with alien bug DNA.
  • Asgard. Stereotypical "Gray aliens", with some whacked out physiology.
  • Nox. Basically, fairies. Kind of.
  • Unas. The big beastlike Hulk race that evolved on the same world as the Gou'ald. 7 foot tall reptile sapients.
  • Furlings. Never seen on screen. Everyone knows they were Ewoks with spaceships.
  • Replicators (several, uh, genus?). Various forks of a race made up entirely of sentient nanotech.
  • Lantean (strongly, strongly implied to be our forebears--humans evolved from them).
  • That four or sex legged alien race that could cloak themselves and invaded Colorado that time.
  • Human. Jaffa are technically humans artificially evolved to have a marsupial pouch, kinda.

Ah, but you say -- wait, didn't like 95% of the worlds they went to over 17 seasons of TV all have humans? Yep. Because various members of the OTHER alien species in several events harvested a LOT of humans from Earth, and seeded them across the galaxy for various purposes. Those humans are evolutionary forks from humans, and the "youngest" removed from Earth by at least about 3,000 years of history.

Stargate Universe saw a few new aliens that we barely got to know, but Universe was set like a bajillion galaxies removed from ours or something. Not a single one was human-like, except for one that was humanoid.

[–]realblublu 3 points4 points ago*

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And yet they all speak English.

Great show, though (except Universe and the last 2 seasons of SG1 ... and come to think of it, a lot of Atlantis episodes).

[–][deleted] 128 points129 points ago

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Upvote for your passionate fury

[–]WuhanWTF 40 points41 points ago

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Holy fuck dude.

[–]baykid27 37 points38 points ago

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Have YOU ever seen a planet blow up? =p

[–]thyyoungclub 98 points99 points ago

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HE CLEARLY KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT ALIENS AND SPACE WARFARE EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE ENTIRELY THEORETICAL.

I'M RIGHT BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS CAPITAL.

BOLD FACE

[–]sir_fappington 9 points10 points ago

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I like your rage, but the director's cut of ID explains the virus issue; modern computer OSs are based on the OS found on the crashed ship.

[–]ragnarockette 42 points43 points ago

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You shut your whore mouth about Independence Day! This movie is perfection.

[–]Danl_h 30 points31 points ago

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tl;dr: Someone else's fantasy universe is more interesting and exciting than my own and that makes me ANGRY

[–]Blazingfly 6 points7 points ago

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A laser cannot make a planet explode

Well, it could if you hit it with enough energy to explosively vaporise the crust, which would be nothing like a 'clean cut in half'

[–]dedaigneux 70 points71 points ago

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Black people die first.

Useless girls get saved. Independent women die first.

Lesbians don't exist.

Gay guys are evil.

Everyone in Europe has a British accent.

If they're European and they don't have a British accent, they're evil.

Everyone's white. Unless it's an action movie or a plot point.

Non-white guys never date white women. Unless it's a plot point.

Fat people don't exist, unless they're punch lines.

Everyone's rich.

All women are young. If they appear to be over 30, they will be a plot device.

Bullets never run out.

If you get shot, you can fully recover with no negative consequences.

If you get stabbed, you can fully recover with no negative consequences.

Everything in the solar system is really close together. It doesn't take long at all to get anywhere.

Children are brave, independent, and smarter than adults.

Powerful politicians are interested in doing the right thing.

Being in the military involves a lot of action and not a lot of sitting around.

Everyone who works in an office has a cubicle.

Hacking involves green lines of symbols on a black background.

You go to bed with makeup on if you're a woman, and wake up perfectly coiffed. Unless it's a comedy or plot device.

There are no such things as pimples, pores, blemishes, or chapped lips.

Being drunk always involves a lot of fun, and not a lot of crying and vomiting.

Most women wear impractically high heels on a regular basis instead of flats.

Everyone is either the size of a whale (and it's hilarious) or they're the size of a model. You can't be average-sized, dumpy, chubby, or getting fat in your old age. Unless you're a dude, and you're affably fat. But you won't be having sex.

Prostitutes look like porn stars. Strippers look like porn stars. Models look like porn stars, not grotesquely tall and thin 14-year olds.

[–]ashowofhands 20 points21 points ago

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very rarely do i see believable driving/steering. you don't need to turn the wheel back and forth on a straight highway, for example

[–]AsciiFace 55 points56 points ago

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In my car you do :(

[–]katesrepublic 4 points5 points ago

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Or when they just casually look at their passenger and chat for five minutes, completely ignoring the road.

[–]Kunkletown 10 points11 points ago

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When cars explode like they are made of old dynamite.

[–]Frusciante62 11 points12 points ago

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The plane in Con Air, which was out of fuel at the time, exploded as if it were painted with the thermite material on the Hindenberg.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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Oh my god, CPR. Seriously, if your arms aren't straight and perpendicular to the person's chest you are doing absolutely nothing. This movie has enough money to pay millions of dollars for A-list celebrities but not enough to consult anyone (no need for a doctor, an EMT will do! or anyone who has ever been certified for CPR!) about how to correctly do CPR???? AGHH

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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When the antagonist / bad guy is about to shoot someone / blow something up / pull the trigger, they give themselves an extra couple of seconds MORE than the protagonist needs to stop him- I realize it's a movie, but it makes it incredibly unbelievable at a climactic moment.

[–]betelgeux 10 points11 points ago

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Slap in new mag, actuate slide. ARRRRRG!!!

Long shots with pistols.

Jet powered aircraft exploding from a single gunshot.

[–]needshelp971 32 points33 points ago

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When it rains, the thunder and lightning occur simultaneously.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points ago

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you know that happens when you are right below where the lightning is striking.

[–]pacman404 7 points8 points ago

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People flying backwards when they get shot by a pistol. It would take a small cannon to lift a body off of the ground and throw them backwards through a window

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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It's always blatantly shitty science behind some plot device that makes no sense whatsoever. And what's worse, it's often really easy to explain stuff that if the script writers had bothered to Google or director bothered to consult a scientist on, would've turned out great.

[–]fancytalk 24 points25 points ago

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Arg, in The Core, they had a metal alloy that they turned into a vessel hull took heat and generated energy, while somehow simultaneously cooling the inside of the ship. With no moving parts.

WELL CONGRATULATIONS, YOU JUST BROKE THE SECOND LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS. I HOPE YOU ARE VERY PROUD.

[–]Geinsta 7 points8 points ago

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World War 2 movies that depict every german tank being a Tiger. In reality they were uncommon outside of elite units like the waffen SS or grossdeutchland.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Anything involving a semi-automatic handgun.

[–]dannyboy000 6 points7 points ago

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Young, hip, tech-savvy characters still have landlines. BS

[–]ensi 40 points41 points ago

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Guns!!

  • No recoil, ever.
  • On semi's when the slide never.. slides and there are no ejected casings.
  • 'Silencers' (Supressors) that make space laz0rr PEW PEW sounds, it's more like a click, YouTube it.
  • "Hey bro got any spare clips?" "Yeah they-IT'S CALLED A MAGAZINE. A MAG. A CLIP IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
  • When someone shoots 15 bullets out of a standard 1911.
  • When you see the good/bad guys preparing for battle, they all chamber their weapons, then they chamber the same unfired weapons again at a climax. This would eject a perfectly good round.

[–]cohrt 5 points6 points ago

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"Hey bro got any spare clips?" "Yeah they-IT'S CALLED A MAGAZINE. A MAG. A CLIP IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

i'd love to see a movie where someone angrily hands the guy that asked this a bunch of stripper clips in the middle of a firefight.

[–]Aadarm 14 points15 points ago

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Silencers completely muting gunshots. Even a suppressed 9mm can still cause hearing damage damnit.

Soldiers wearing uniforms wrong, calling helos choppers, ignoring everything taught in BCT, handling guns like idiots.

[–]irobot335 8 points9 points ago

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When the bad guys have perfect shot on everyone except the main character(s).

[–]pseudolobster 28 points29 points ago

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That you can hack into an alien computer system and upload a virus from a mac laptop.

[–]TheLastGunslinger 45 points46 points ago

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Fun fact about ID. There's a deleted scene where the scientists at Area 51 mention that Earth's computer technology is derived from the crashed saucer they have.

[–]betelgeux 16 points17 points ago

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To make it hurt less, I just pretend that the simple act of interfacing a OS9 machine to ANY system would have that effect.

[–]macmeyers50 4 points5 points ago

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Trojan virus finds and destroys all

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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newton's first law of motion. your spaceship is just fucking wasting fuel.

[–]i_hate_lamp 23 points24 points ago

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Unless they explain it like Futurama. Their engine moves the universe around them, instead of moving the ship through the universe.

[–]8BitMunky 8 points9 points ago

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Any film/tv show that shows 2 people sharing a keyboard... Ahem, NCIS... ಠ_ಠ

[–]adifferentjk 15 points16 points ago

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You do realize that the vast majority of Europeans drive on the right side of the road, correct?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Wotcho 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

People seem to have unlimited ammo in their guns, never reload.

[–]WuhanWTF 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

An M16 with more than 30 rounds fired without reloading.