Well this would be my first link I've actually posted, so I decided to go for the gold. Not to say I haven't done worse damage to myself (I worked construction for awhile, let me just say "nailguns") but this one understandably hit close to home.
Early morning, low amount of sleep the night prior. I stumbled out of bed after smashing the alarm clock off and shuffle my sorry ass over to my closet to grab clothes. I decide to iron my shirt before hopping in the shower.
So I'm wearing a ratty pair of boxers, you know, that one pair your girlfriend/ wife bitches to you to throw out? No button in the front anymore, so the tackle is hanging free so to speak.
Fire up the iron while trying to shake the cobwebs out of my mind, and start my automatic process of ironing my OH MY FUCK PAIN SHIIIIIIIT OH FUCK ME OH FUCK ME MY DIIIIICK.
Horror washed over my as I am literally bent over, shaking with shock and clutching my burnt dick. I slowly peek down to inspect the damage. Turns out as I was making a pas with the iron, I was leaning somewhat against the stand and had branded a nice thick strip right down the top, about halfway down.
Fast forward (sorry this is turning to e a novel) I had to ice it for days, was in constant pain. Blisters. And OMG heaven forbid I get a boner, it would split back open and agony would ensue. I'd post a picture if I could, but then I'd have to move it to r/spacedicks
So Reddit, you've heard mine... now what are your self-inflicted horror stories you can share with us?
EDIT - Yes, this sounds outlandish. Here is my best attempt at describing how it happened (I posted this below). If that doesn't work, I'll attempt a demonstration in MS Paint.
"Normally I'd be somewhat leaning over when I iron clothes, keeping the important bits far away.
However, I was half asleep so was basically standing up against the the ironing board, and it was at crotch level. Now picture (actually don't, but stick with me here) that my twig is pointing down, hereby exposing the top surface area.
Next, the fatal "stroke" as it were, was a north to south motion that I took too far south. This created a point of contact between the iron (which has exposed metal along the sides too) and my poor cock."