top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]BllizardBoy 229 points230 points ago

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GapBetweenAMooredBoatAndTheDock Man

[–]ravenouscraving 83 points84 points ago

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Combining the wondrous fears of closed spaces and drowning!

[–]katmaniac 1229 points1230 points ago

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How I imagine most Redditors reacting to this post:

"SPIDERMA- Oh, wait."

[–]tforge13 157 points158 points ago

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Eeyup.

[–]antiSeptics 67 points68 points ago

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I nearly drowned once, so I was all like

"AQUAMA..

..fuck."

[–]OmegaArcadia 811 points812 points ago

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[–]mountain_high 541 points542 points ago

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I hate you

[–]OmegaArcadia 1084 points1085 points ago

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I never said what the other one was.

[–]asljkdfhg 536 points537 points ago

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The illusion of free will.

[–]OmegaArcadia 205 points206 points ago

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Well, of course you have free will.

You could always not click on this picture: http://i.imgur.com/cyWyt.jpg

[–]IAmALampShade 64 points65 points ago

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That's actually pretty cool..

[–]ILikePettingManatees 5 points6 points ago

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fuck you in the face with a frisbee, you made me click that link

[–]Pyotr_Mikhailov 113 points114 points ago

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Oh god oh god oh god. I tried to minimize the gif from RES, but I missed and it just opened in a new tab!

[–]Schools_Back 28 points29 points ago

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Ewwww. I saw these things' empty carapaces all the time in when I lived in Tonga. I don't think I ever imagined how disgusting the actual shedding process was. Thank you (?) for that.

[–]Chewbaccagawea 281 points282 points ago

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A 1972 dime with a Roosevelt imperfection, today worth exactly twenty-nine cents.

[–]nuxenolith 78 points79 points ago

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One of them is not a nickel.

[–]DancesWithLupus 61 points62 points ago

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And now we destroy your bike.

[–]Respondor 37 points38 points ago

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"Oh, I know both of them are gonna be a spider. Dun matter though, I'm not sca- OHHHHHH SSSHHHHIIII-!"

[–]Shitty_Watercolour 350 points351 points ago

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[–]nuxenolith 140 points141 points ago

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Obligatory Roald Dahl comment

[–]aveganliterary 146 points147 points ago

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Obligatory Quentin Blake correction.

[–]Wiggles420 52 points53 points ago

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Obligatory comment of approval.

[–]Welshie95 76 points77 points ago

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You need to change your name. None of these are even remotely shitty anymore.

[–]DubiumGuy 42 points43 points ago

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It has 12 eyes instead of the maximum of 8. That makes it shitty.

[–]manicottibandito 547 points548 points ago

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Genetic Predisposition to Cancer Lad.

I probably wouldn't read any of my comics.

[–]JBurrows_ 162 points163 points ago

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I could be your sidekick as Genetic Predisposition to Neurological Problems Girl!

[–]hugecatfish 126 points127 points ago

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Can I join in as Genetic Predisposition to Baldness Man? I'm not quite so terrifying, but my super power is the ability to look four times my age!

[–]cats_will_rule 43 points44 points ago

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How about Genetic Predisposition To Macular Degeneration Girl? My super power is not being able to see anything! At all! Woo-hoo.

[–]bmward105 60 points61 points ago

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How about genetic predisposition to Alzheimer's man?

[–]bmward105 82 points83 points ago

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How about genetic predisposition to Alzheimer's man?

[–]Vomit_Comet 10 points11 points ago

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Haha, that was brilliant.

[–]sleal 5 points6 points ago

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MOVE OVER AVENGERS! THE GENETIC PREDISPOSITION SQUAD IS HERE TO.FUCK.YOUR.SHIT

BACKWARDS

[–]SublymeStyle 47 points48 points ago

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Genetic Predisposition to Alcoholism Man checking in!

[–]missjolie 22 points23 points ago

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Hold up, Genetic Predisposition to Mental Disorders Girl is here to save the day!

[–]shawtywtits 32 points33 points ago

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"lad" was a nice touch

[–]PresidentPark 776 points777 points ago

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Oh-My-God-That-Coat-Hanging-On-A-Door-Looks-Like-A-Person-In-My-Periphery Man

That, or The Human Whale.

[–]curtbag 1062 points1063 points ago

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There already is a Human Whale.

YOUR MOM

[–]OmegaArcadia 425 points426 points ago

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Dude, too soon... His mom was killed by a whale disguised as a coat hanger.

[–]original186 81 points82 points ago

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..all while he watched (out of his periphery)!

[–]FeierInMeinHose 145 points146 points ago

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You know who else is a human whale?

MY MOM

[–]ThaiOneOff 28 points29 points ago

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"Dude, what's with Muscleman and those "my mom" jokes? Does he realize he's doing it wrong?"

[–]Shitty_Watercolour 56 points57 points ago

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[–]OmegaArcadia 19 points20 points ago

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You're afraid of getting stalked by inanimate objects and being fat?

[–]StabbyMcRunFast 321 points322 points ago

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Catheterman.

[–]Lz_erk 152 points153 points ago

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It's not so bad after the first nine or ten inches.

[–]hunterszombie 252 points253 points ago

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Man

[–]ilestledisko 73 points74 points ago

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My butt just super-clenched.

[–]thesavagedonkey 42 points43 points ago

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Just so you know most catheters are for urine. However if you are super special you may get a rectal catheter but I believe they have a significantly wider bore. Rectal catheter (SFW)

[–]ZoeyBloons 41 points42 points ago

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WHY IS IT RIBBED AND SHAPED LIKE A PHALLUS???

[–]ramate 57 points58 points ago

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For his pleasure.

[–]TenaciousK 81 points82 points ago

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Making up a song in my head right now, to the tune of Particle Man, by They Might Be Giants.

"Penis man, penis man, Catheter man hates penis man, They have a fight, catheter wins, fleshy man, penis man."

[–]dfn85 20 points21 points ago

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I... Oh my god I started doing that, too....

[–]Phlogeston 600 points601 points ago

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Vertigoman. Can fly. Chooses not to.

[–]OldTimeGentleman 39 points40 points ago

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Vertigo is the only real fear I have. It's bloody annoying. I'd rather be afraid of spiders.

[–]hungrybackpack 58 points59 points ago

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Acrophobia is a fear of heights. Vertigo is a spinning sensation which can be triggered by looking down from a high place.

Common mistake...

[–]udevi 148 points149 points ago

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Premature Ejaculation Man, come quick!

[–]fenney 433 points434 points ago

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Telephone-Conversations-Man.

[–]frau_chang 153 points154 points ago

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with his sidekick what-should-i-text-back-boy

[–]majesticbarrister 4 points5 points ago

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and his arch-nemesis, smooth-talker-guy-who-is-after-your-crush

[–]SilentHipster 439 points440 points ago

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Blindness man. With the powers of blindness, fighting what he thinks are criminals!

[–]NessaTesla 211 points212 points ago

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Daredevil.

[–]SilentHipster 120 points121 points ago

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Except no enhanced senses and combat abilities.

[–]zabuma 89 points90 points ago

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Just random arm-flailing goodness!

[–]Karl_Dilkington 436 points437 points ago

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WomanMan!

[–]original186 164 points165 points ago

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*Now with tampon nunchucks.

[–]ItchyLemon 58 points59 points ago

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"...with the secret alias...FOREVERALONEMAN!"

[–]Anthraxmonki 46 points47 points ago

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Wo-MAN!

[–]whitesock 232 points233 points ago

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I would swoop down on criminals and make them feel like they have to take a dump while on a long bus ride.

They'd call me... Long-rides-shit-man.

[–]DanHW 316 points317 points ago

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The Iminant Brick.

[–]Type_1_Person 48 points49 points ago

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Up vote for making me laugh out loud and scare my cat

[–]dreamqueen9103 382 points383 points ago

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Look out! It's All-Your-Loved-Ones-Are-Dying Girl!

[–]armabe 116 points117 points ago

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sounds more like a villain.

[–]dreamqueen9103 208 points209 points ago*

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Well I did say look out!

[–]jackass706 463 points464 points ago

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Batmanman

[–]Keepsitreal_c93 205 points206 points ago

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Batmanmanman

[–]agrassman 132 points133 points ago

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Batmanmanmanman

[–]kinglebowski 112 points113 points ago

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we all saw it coming

[–]blueocean43 144 points145 points ago

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Premature ejaculation man then?

[–]alison09 98 points99 points ago

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Failure Girl

(or)

Getting-pooped-on-by-a-seagull Woman

[–]dirkedgently 25 points26 points ago

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Not other birds, though? A robin would be okay? Maybe an albatross?

[–]alison09 21 points22 points ago

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Seagulls are ridiculously abundant where I live. They're always flying overhead in large numbers. A solitary robin or albatross I feel could be dodged, but a flock of seagulls... Let's just say the song 'I Ran' is fitting.

[–]Tamural 102 points103 points ago

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Spontaneous Nuclear Missile Bombardment Man

I'm not exactly sure how this would work.

[–]notINGCOS 74 points75 points ago

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Citizen: "oh know my cats stuck in a tree who will save me"

Spontaneous Nuclear Missile Bombardment Man: "Fear not noble citizen its me sp.."

KA_BOOM!!!!!!!!!!

generic sidekick: "well its not in the tree anymore"

[–]Measle 26 points27 points ago

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So you're not afraid as long as you have a warning before being bombarded with nuclear missiles?

[–][deleted] 80 points81 points ago

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Clownman - laughs at and lives off your fear!

[–]tookawhile 39 points40 points ago

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A clown, eh? What about a name like "The Joker?"

[–]Slayer1973 528 points529 points ago

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Lonelyman.

Feels bad man...

[–]Shitty_Watercolour 433 points434 points ago

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[–]18_Floor 138 points139 points ago

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In my opinion, this is the best drawing I've seen you do. I'd pay big bucks for that picture.

[–]ArcaneAmoeba 51 points52 points ago

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Seems like, in his attempts to be shitty with watercolors, he accidentally developed a visually appealing artistic style. Look how far he's come!

[–]OmegaArcadia 45 points46 points ago

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Where's his cape?

[–]Vapsyvox 176 points177 points ago

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His shadow is the only cloak he needs.

[–]xenneract 55 points56 points ago

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[–][deleted] 22 points23 points ago

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Awww...

[–]linkrobin 59 points60 points ago

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Dude, that's just sad.

[–]tysonbreuer 15 points16 points ago

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i was going to say die alone man or like divorced at 40 man

[–]yourmovecreep 6 points7 points ago

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Would've been sadder with no upvotes or replies.

[–]nox_fox 71 points72 points ago

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Job-interviewgirl

[–]smmfdyb 198 points199 points ago

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Anything-in-my-eye-Man

[–]PoopChuteMcGoo 149 points150 points ago

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Not sure if superhero. Or gay pornstar.

[–]Horse_Glue_Knower 71 points72 points ago

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so says your username.

[–]Infinitealone 119 points120 points ago

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Anal-FistingMan!

[–]drlent 78 points79 points ago

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And his side kick Gang Rape Girl!

[–]_JesusChrist_ 41 points42 points ago

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[–]talvi 129 points130 points ago

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world record for gang banging 919 men

Her vagina must look like a vandalised bus shelter

[–]MiniRat 54 points55 points ago

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Imagine the feeling of rejection suffered by the 920th man in the queue.

[–]effingeenyus 21 points22 points ago

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something tells me he's the one who said "um, thanks but I'm alright actually"

[–]EndOnAnyRoll 29 points30 points ago

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You're just not my type.

[–]Killerbunny123 18 points19 points ago

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Her vagina must look like a vandalized bus shelter.

She does porn, it's not like you can't find out or anything

Ninja Edit: Looks Normal. NSFW

[–]ilestledisko 12 points13 points ago

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Why, Jesus?

[–]MerkinForTheWeekend 9 points10 points ago

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Approved by the Comics Code Authority.

[–][deleted] 170 points171 points ago

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White People with Dreadlocks man!

[–]KoalaBomb 79 points80 points ago

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"Hey, right on bro. Hey, will you sign these 5 petitions maaannn? The earth is like our body, man. And, like, we need to protect her... Maaannnnn."

[–]ikno 55 points56 points ago

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Firedrowningcancer man

[–]neesters 117 points118 points ago

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Shartman

[–]eqcomics 21 points22 points ago

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[–]Theblueportal 113 points114 points ago

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Girl laughing at my dick man.

[–]Temporarily__Alone 14 points15 points ago

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:(

[–]pata_rajada 155 points156 points ago

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Pregnant-girl

[–]mynameismufasa 195 points196 points ago

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Pregnant girl man!

[–]ShigglyB00 344 points345 points ago

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Commitment Man!

Or..

I Haven't Had My Period Man!

[–]gsn42 558 points559 points ago

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Commitment Man wants to be a super hero, but isn't sure he is ready for it yet.

[–]pcgamertemp[S] 171 points172 points ago

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I Haven't Had My Period Man

I hope not...

[–]OmegaArcadia 80 points81 points ago

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So does he.

[–]mmm_burrito 97 points98 points ago

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Small-Heavy-Objects-Being-Swung-Round-On-An-Elastic-Cord-Man.

I have a very specific phobia. And no, sadly I'm not making this up. Think about one of those elastic toys you give to kids with the gel pod on the end and little wiggly rubber hairs on it. Think of them whipping it around and around, erratically.

See...you're just thinking of it. I'm nearly having a goddamn panic attack just typing that out. The visualization alone is enough to set me off, so imagine what happens when my lovely little nephew actually does that in front of me. And now I have to go do something to distract myself. Fuck. I might have to delete this comment later so I don't come across it in the future on my own profile page. Fuck.

[–]superiormind 15 points16 points ago

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I remember getting one of those shaped like a scorpion. Good times, good times >:D

[–]dctctx 173 points174 points ago

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The Prison Rapist.

[–]ratcranberries 104 points105 points ago*

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The Incarcerapetor. boo I suck.

[–]TenaciousK 164 points165 points ago

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Failure-man!

Or maybe just, The Failman.

[–]bunzworld 27 points28 points ago

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No! You are Successman!

[–]Soporus 42 points43 points ago

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Socializationman? No.

[–]eqcomics 3 points4 points ago

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[–]Infestinatoria 79 points80 points ago

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Dyingaloneman!

Doesn't really have a ring to it.

[–]dylan_doom 156 points157 points ago

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Or a ring on it

[–]daredevilclown 39 points40 points ago

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Unemployedman! No job is too small for Unemployedman to have a go at, screw up and get sacked!

or

Oldman! only solves crimes before 8pm, after that he has gone to bed. often unable to remember what clues he found the day before, or even what crime he is currently working on.

[–]sharkiness 112 points113 points ago

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Wasp-man. Able to run screaming like a little girl while simultaneously swatting at the air looking like a completely maniacal lunatic!

[–]LadyCopperFoxx 57 points58 points ago

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I guess I'd have to be your sidekick, Bee-woman. Capable of running at the speed of light, screaming at siren level, and flapping her arms like a hummingbird while blubbering like a baby.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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"Your firearms are useless against them!"

[–]dexterduck 135 points136 points ago

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SNAKE MAN.

This was the first result for "snake man," so I guess that's me now. Time to go cry myself to sleep.

[–]tforge13 68 points69 points ago

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NSFbrain. OH GOD. WHY DID I CLICK THAT.

[–]MrCheeze 20 points21 points ago

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Here I was expecting a robot master...

[–]QuantmParadox 218 points219 points ago

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Ducks-are-watching-me-man.

[–]tarkoon 61 points62 points ago

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[–]Shitty_Watercolour 126 points127 points ago

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[–]mgrier123[!] 39 points40 points ago

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so you have anatidaephobia?

[–]dfhawks3 5 points6 points ago

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That's fucking hilarious.

[–]Not_Me_But_A_Friend 918 points919 points ago

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Black Man Man

[–]ItchyLemon 244 points245 points ago

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Period-Blood-in-the-Public-Toilet-Man

[–]SnuggieMcGee 218 points219 points ago

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You would have the shittiest utility belt.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]grimfel 34 points35 points ago

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I-Should-Really-Get-That-Rash-Looked-At-Man

[–]buttercup_mauler 36 points37 points ago

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Anal woman.

[–]myBadThoughts 14 points15 points ago

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aww man - Batman again? can't we wait for Anal Woman?

[–]DancingLobsters96 30 points31 points ago

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Chipping-Teeth Man

[–]Dragorius 30 points31 points ago

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Alzheimerman. The only superhero to not only forget where his hideout is but who also forgets he even has a hideout. And pants which he should be wearing when outdoors.

[–]verglaze 206 points207 points ago

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Police MAN

[–]original186 35 points36 points ago

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The Man Man?

[–]ravenouscraving 65 points66 points ago

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Thwarting criminals with planted evidence and brutality!

Were they criminals before he arrived? WHO KNOWS? We'll never know, thanks to...

Police MAN!

[–]NameItMayorMcCheese 57 points58 points ago

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Small-Gecko-Climbing-Into-My-Ear-And-Laying-Eggs Woman.

[–]admiral_snugglebutt 18 points19 points ago

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Wat. Geckos are adorable and also lizards. They are not interested in your brainmeats. They want to save you from insects.

[–]Nosty85 8 points9 points ago

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Annnnnd now I'm done reading this thread before I get the heeby-jeebies again.

[–]GetHisWallet 25 points26 points ago

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The Killer Whale

a superhero that most people consider likable even though he will occasionally and randomly murder someone that thought he was a friend

[–]AnthropomorphicDog 25 points26 points ago

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VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER BOY TO THE RESCUE!

[–]whenurbored 25 points26 points ago

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Lives in a box, hangs around elevators and subways during peak hour. It's claustrophobic man!

[–]Rolock 27 points28 points ago

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Still-A-Virgin-At-50-Man

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points ago

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I could help you with that.

[–]nuworldblue 26 points27 points ago

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Ladies man

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points ago

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Mothman. Eughhh

[–]s3t1p 66 points67 points ago

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It's a bird, it's a plane it's, Looking-up-at-tall-buildings-from-the-ground-man

[–]thavipasnipa 20 points21 points ago

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yeah, seems like you're going to fall or something.

[–]mattylovesyou 20 points21 points ago

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Syringe/needle Man!

[–]kikikza 21 points22 points ago

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TalkingToGirlsMan!

[–]StrongArms 20 points21 points ago

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REJECTION MAN! or WOMEN MAN!

...I need a girlfriend

[–]klimkianity 19 points20 points ago

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Tall-places-girl? Sounds like a kajhiit name.

[–]Preflash_Gordon 17 points18 points ago

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The Drowner

[–]anilsen 33 points34 points ago

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Public Speaking Man.

[–]mew5175 16 points17 points ago

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Fear me for I am "DeathMan!"

[–]knightmoves36 48 points49 points ago

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Flaccid bleeding penis man

[–]Naternaut 15 points16 points ago

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Tornado-man!

Fuck living in the Midwest.

[–]occamsshavingkit 30 points31 points ago

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Ordinaryman. Just like everyone else. Insignificant in every way possible. Nothin to see here, folks.

[–]mausphart 14 points15 points ago

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Here comes "Bathtub suddenly collapsing into a waterslide that leads into an underground tank full of sharks and alligators"!

[–]bunzworld 13 points14 points ago

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Well, due to my fear of heights, I'd be able to fly.

Wing... man?

[–]TracerBurnout 27 points28 points ago

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False-rape-Accusation-man

[–]ChillxPenguin 12 points13 points ago

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Existential man. I try to leave my mark everywhere I go to make sure people know I once was.

[–]jimbosaur 12 points13 points ago

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Heights-man! Dangling criminal scum from the edges of buildings while being very careful not to get too close to the edge himself!

[–]Excelsior_Smith 11 points12 points ago

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I-can't-get-it-up man!

[–]PrincessBunyanFart 11 points12 points ago

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Dirty bathroom woman

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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Forgettingtowearclothestoworkinadream Girl

[–]Theawwsomeone 10 points11 points ago

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The Needler.

Needles are scary. They break off after puncturing you. Fucking nurse.

[–]omniusjesse 17 points18 points ago

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The Sea-Creature.

Nothing frightens me more than the thought of being in the middle of the ocean and then being swallowed by a giant sea-creature that's too big for me to even see what it is. Or to be eaten by sharks while floating on wreckage like the story the captain tells in Jaws. I think he was referring to the Lucitania.

[–]Mediadrake 12 points13 points ago

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oh my god. get out of my head. And it was the USS Indianapolis .

[–]Cyrus_Asmodeus 6 points7 points ago

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Mirror-man.

[–]losimagic 10 points11 points ago

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Fatal Illness Man!

[–]The_Maddog 8 points9 points ago

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Since I have a fear of deep dark water...I guess I'd be Aquaman. Fuck :(

[–]Feefernet 7 points8 points ago

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Large numbers man! Cowering at the thought of a googleplex! For Justice!

[–]pinakaleidoscope 7 points8 points ago

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Windy-Cliff-Man

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Frankthetank95 4 points5 points ago

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Girl Man....

[–]Wire_Hanger_Man 21 points22 points ago

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Username

[–]laiyaise 5 points6 points ago

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Socially awkward penguin man. They could make a movie starring Dani DeVito.