My 18-year-old friend told me yesterday that he thought "you just stick it in and wait" when having sex. He has successfully masturbated for the past four years by simply applying pressure to his penis and "thinking really hard." What is the most ridiculous misconception you've come across?

theofficialposter · 11 months

I grew up thinking you needed to stay away from the windows during a tornado so the tornado couldn't see you.

skanksmcoy · 11 months

my little brother is under the impression that all dogs grow into wolves, and all cats grow into tigers or lions. hes 11 years old and still thinks our 7 year old cat will be a tiger one day.

Supersqueee · 11 months

A guy at my high school took the concept of the 28 day menstrual cycle to mean that every woman got her period on the 28th. He really thought every woman in THE WORLD got her period on June 28th, July 28th, etc.

sixeightthree · 11 months

My friend decided that when she travelled to Australia, she was going to go to NZ as well. I asked her who she was flying with and she announced that she would be driving.

Over the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Which in her world, connects Australia and New Zealand.

We had to get the map out to prove differently to her.

Xuize · 11 months

I met someone who thought the earth was 2012 years old and thought that you could swim under countries like they were floating in the sea.

GooGooGajoob67 · 11 months

About a year ago, I went to NYC (we live about 2 1/2 hours away) with a few family members. We are walking a lot. Eventually we stop and lean against a building, at which point my great-aunt (visiting from Houston) bends over with her hands on her knees and begins to breathe heavily.

My mom: Are you okay?

Great-aunt: Oh, I'm just out of breath because of the altitude--I'm not used to being so far above sea level.

My mom: But we're at sea level...the ocean is right over there.

Great-aunt: No, honey, we're much higher up here.

My grandmother (her sister): Right, because if you look at a map, you can see that Houston is down here [gesturing at imaginary map], and New York is waaay up here.

My mom and me:...

When we get home, I look up the actual altitudes just for kicks. New York City is 33 ft. above sea level. Houston? 43 ft.

Emerson18 · 11 months

One of my really good female friends thought that guys misted like a windex bottle when they came. She's almost 20.

no_objections_here · 11 months

Thank god you got to him before he actually had sex with someone.

symbios · 11 months

My friend's little sister thought that sex was just rubbing your butts together really fast. I don't see why she felt the need to then try it out on me while I was sleeping.

SirCayenne · 11 months

In a Geography class I was working in a group with 2 girls, one of the girls was telling me how her cousins drove down to Mexico the week before, at this point the third member of the group was confused and questioned how they could drive to Mexico since "Mexico is an Island"

Sperm_Potato · 11 months

That when people are cremated they are turned into cream...

[deleted] · 11 months

Now you can never trust that guy again, because you know he could be masturbating at any moment.

tamzarien · 11 months

This situation never happened to me, but some friends and I once convinced a friend of something similar. About 4 or 5 years ago when my friends and I were partying a little bit harder than we do now, one of my friends came to me for some advice. He was drinking a lot in those days and was having trouble getting it up when taking home girls. In a spur of the moment type thing, my friend and I, who was finishing up an degree in Anatomy, convinced our friend having erectile difficulties that he had to "Pump it". We explained to him that if he was ever having a tough time getting a boner, that all he needed to do was to make a fist and punch himself in the ass a couple times. We said that one of the major arteries in your body was located there, and it would help regulate blood flow. We assured him that both of us had done this. So our friend, convinced that this was true, thanked us and went on the prowl.

We were both pretty sure our buddy wasn't going to try this, but according to him, he did and looked like a real jackass in the process. Whenever we re-tell the story to our friend I always picture him saying "Gimme a second, baby" and then giving himself a few punches in the ass right next to a girl.

slimjim72384 · 11 months

[deleted]

hitforhelp · 11 months

"~~Bin~~ Garbage men are so lucky...they only have to work 1 day a week."

kindabiglie · 11 months

I don't think anybody else could top this for the nerdiest way to accidentally masturbate for the first time.

I was downstairs in the basement, alone, very late on a Friday night, playing Wave Runner on my Nintendo 64, and was getting sleepy. Halfway through a race I just dropped the controller in my lap and laid my head back on the couch. Next thing I know, I've got one of those annoying erections that make walking up to the board to do a math problem so frustrating.

And it feels great. The light vibration is nice, but I think to myself - when I'm accelerating, the vibration gets more intense. I run over to my dad's workshop (another room in the basement) and grab some tape. I head back to the couch, tape down the acceleration button, and drop the controller back in my lap.

A few minutes later - completion. I continued to do this for a couple of months (because it worked so well) until I figured out that the 'jerking off' motion us kids insulted each other with would work on my junk. Combined the two, and I was in heaven.

TLDR; I lost my virginity to an N64

lebenohnestaedte · 11 months

My friend (as a preteen) was under the impression that it was hard to get a penis into a vagina, and all that moving around was just trying to push it in, bit by bit, until finally you got it all the way in and you were done.

It's actually pretty understandable why she would have thought that, but it's kind of a hilarious understanding of sex. I don't recall when I learned how sex worked in terms of movement but I did assume that people had to go to the doctor to make a baby (sex being purely for reproduction to a 6-year-old) so the doctor could supervise and tell you what to do. Why not -- you need a doctor to help you have a baby, so why not one to start the process, too?

astrowhale · 11 months

In eighth grade I had to explain to my friend that a blow job was not simply blowing air on a penis.

burrito_fucker · 11 months

when i was a kid i somehow thought it was normal for women AND men to shave their armpits. I confronted my brother about it when we were playing darts in the garage as I noticed he had out of control hair growth in his armpits. He laughed and said I was a girl and walked away. i threw a dart at his back and it stuck in for a couple seconds then fell out. Then I ran.

dabombnl · 11 months

I met some girl in high school that actually thought that Hawaii and Alaska were both Islands right off the coast of California and Texas (because, you know, how they look on a US map). And yes, she also thought Alaska had a perfectly straight coastline.

KittensWithKeytars · 11 months

My SO of two years who is 23 thought chipmunks were just baby squirrels and not a completely different type of animal.

one_step_ahead · 11 months

My father had to take a test on a computer. He'd never used a computer before. When he was reading the instructions that said "Click here with the mouse" he jabbed the mouse against the screen.

venisonsdearisntit · 11 months

Your friend clearly has psychic powers.

e30fern · 11 months

Me (a college freshman): "hey (friend's name), I'm going to study abroad in London next year!"

Friend (also a college freshman): "LONDON?!?! Dude, you don't even speak French!"

EDIT: This story occurred in 2005, in case anyone cares.

hey-aqualung · 11 months

I had a friend in school who genuinely believed that a girls discharge was semen. We were about 15-16 at the time and she got up to go to the toilet during class because she thought she'd started her period and after she came back, she leaned over to me and whispered "it's okay, it was just semen."

I honestly wanted to die of laughter.

NeuxSaed · 11 months

When I was a high school senior, a girl I knew thought that during sex, the man urinated inside the woman and this cause pregnancy. She somehow didn't know anything about sperm and fertilization.

RadarCounterpart · 11 months

addiction therapist here. many patients think they can come do a detox - a "spin-dry" they call it - and they'll be cured of addiction. in reality, treatment and recovery is a life-long process.

mcsmurfington · 11 months

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Sepulchural · 11 months

For the longest time, I thought Polish people needed this strange device called a garotchki in order to drive. My grandmother always said she had to go get one before we'd leave. I kid you not: age 10 I found out that garotchki is "garage key" in my grandmother's accented speaking. I literally finally said "Grandma, what is a garotchki?" and she said "Za key to the garatch, silly boy." Original troll grandma. EDIT it is true and she is still alive at 93. Did she hear it from someone else? I do not know.

amysong · 11 months

Had a friend in college that refused to believe pickles were cucumbers, pickled. She thought there was a pickle vine somewhere with pickles growing off of it.

scribbling_des · 11 months

When I was in college I knew a girl who came from a religious all girls school. This was art school so there was a lot of art history. Michaelangelo's David was the first full nude piece we saw in the class we had together. At some point during class I noticed she looked very upset and uncomfortable. After class she practically ran out the door. I gathered my things and followed as quickly as I could to catch up with her. When I did, I asked her what was wrong. There were tears on here face. She looked at me in shock and said, "I never knew!". I asked her about what and she said "The balls! I never knew about the balls! I always thought they were, you know, inside!"

It's amazing what some people get through life not knowing.

mishagale · 11 months

I have a friend in college. 4.0 GPA in Economics. Travels every year to different vacation spots. I had to link him to some articles that "proved" that your luggage did not travel in a separate plane from the one you take. He thought there was a different "luggage plane" that travelled behind yours and that's why it took time for the suitcases and such to arrive at the carousel.

IBeSteadyLurkin · 11 months

I thought that girls pissed out of their assholes. Until I was 16.

Something about them having to sit down every time.

Samazing12 · 11 months

My guy friend did not think that girls wipe after they pee. My friend had gone to the bathroom and the guys house we were over said, "Shit, I think I forgot to put more toilet paper out." The guy friend then said, "It doesn't matter, she's not taking a dump or anything..." After we all looked at him like he was crazy we realized he was serious. Being the only other girl there, I spent a good while describing why the build of the female genitalia requires being wiped after we pee. His response, "I thought that's what panties were for..." After we got over that, mid-meal he gets the most serious expression on his face and turns to the guy's whose house we were at and goes, "Wait?! I'm not supposed to wipe after I pee right?! Just shake?!" We reassured him that he was fine... Later that week we taught him that unlike him, most guys have a refractory period while masturbating... Apparently he can go "5 times straight without waiting between each one"...

edit: Spelling and terminology

modernpilgrim · 11 months

When I was about 11, I had the talk with my parents. They didn't explain that cumming would feel pleasureful. My sisters friend was a couple of years older than me, so I asked him how do you know when sperm comes out. He told me that it feels like getting punched in the stomach. So as you can see, I was highly uninterested to masturbate until I was maybe 14 . Oh the wasted years.

archduke_of_awesome · 11 months

A very good friend of mine thought into her early 20s that ribs, the food, came from human beings.

And she still ate them.

[deleted] · 11 months

A girl at school was confused when we talked about the Holocaust in history class a few years back. She thought that the Holocaust was still going on, and that concentration camps were still up and running. To make matters worse, her friends in the class (about four other girls) all sat there and fucking AGREED with her.
It's the only time I've ever heard a teacher swear to a student before: in this case, the guy sighed, and said simply, "Fuck." He was a cool guy.

Spacedoubt · 11 months

Let me guess....you haven't seen him in weeks.

Seriously though, this is hilarious.

T-Luv · 11 months

When I was a kid, I thought getting raped was getting "raked." Like someone scratched you all over with a rake. I would think to myself "man it would really suck to get raked..."

11 months

[deleted]

GoodGuyGD · 11 months

I used to live with a guy during university who kept on surprising me...here is a short list of some of the things he believed / didn't know.
He didn't know what circumcision was. During our first and second year in Uni, some of the guys would talk about our dicks and whether we were circumcised or not. When we asked him, he told us he didn't know.
He didn't know what animal beef came from. He asked me what ground beef was, and when I told him it was ground up beef, he asked me what animal beef came from. He didn't know beef came from cows.
He thought that car insurance paid for injuries caused by cars. We were discussing the downfalls of the American health care system (we are canadian) and how it would suck to be not at fault during a car crash. He chimed in and said "I thought that if you got into a crash, your car insurance would pay for your health care. That's what happens in Canada, right?"
He thought that the more air you put into your car tires, the better. One day before driving home he decided to fill up his tires (for no apparent reason). I told him that he put too much in, but he said there was no such thing as too much air in a car tire. 2 hours later I get a call that his tire burst on the highway.
He thought that the UN was the World Government (he was a politics major).
He thought North and South Korea were the same.
The craziest thing about this guy is that he graduated, he was also hired at my Uni and he has had some impressive jobs.

Edit Derp'd hard on car insurance part.

harp_seal · 11 months

When I came out as a lesbian to people at my school, at least 3 guys asked me why I didn't want to have sex. It's not like they didn't think lesbian sex was 'real sex'. They thought lesbians didn't do anything at all. At least they didn't ask about scissoring.

quietlyjudgingyou · 11 months

A friend that never wanted to fly in airplanes because she thought all the dodging around the clouds would make her sick. She thought planes flew around clouds because they were solid.

Zaoui · 11 months

While having my vacation back at my province, about 4 years ago, these students washed their hands and removed their shoes before entering the room where a computer, donated by a Foreign charity organization, was being shown. When told that they do not need to that, their teacher answered, "we don't want to contaminate the Computer with virus".

True story.

Custom88 · 11 months

My god. The moment the girl touches his dick he is done for.

naturalalchemy · 11 months

A guy I went to university with didn't realise that women had 3 orifices between their legs. In fact he was so sure he actually tried to argue the point with the rest of us. He thought that women have their period and children through their urethra.

This was all the more surprising because he came from a farming family and was studying biology. We figured he must have skipped all the reproduction lectures.

[He was unusually religious compared to most of us/the area and saving himself for marriage.]

AckbarImposter · 11 months

I guess that's why she didn't want a second date.

rastapopolos · 11 months

Female here. I believed that up to a couple months before I actually had sex. Nobody explained it to me beyond "penis goes in vagina", and I'd never watched porn.

NULLACCOUNT · 11 months

Before/durring puberty I used to get an erection and then pull the blanket above my penis and let it slowly fall down onto it. One of those "I don't know why I do this but it feels good" things. While I don't think I've ever done it with no hands, I can confirm thinking really hard and using only a few very light slow strokes.

Also, if he is sexually aroused that easily, maybe just let him use pictures. No need to introduce him to internet porn just yet.

beamish14 · 11 months

"You can get a girl pregnant through sweat, right?"-moron I encountered at a Baptist school.

Jaboomaphoo · 11 months

My dad thinks I'm a genius with computers but all I really do is read the instructions it gives me.

schlongbottom · 11 months

I have a friend who used to think that how much weight you gained was related to the actual weight of the food...in other words, she would rather eat a cup of frosting than a cup of carrots. She was shocked when I told her that wasn't true.

Best thing is that she's a Nutrition major.

ChubbyGirlsPmMe · 11 months

When he finally has sex, he is going to last about 3 seconds.

Supervixen007 · 11 months

I'm Jewish. When I first went to college in Greensboro, NC, one of the girls in my dorm asked me where I was from because my last name didn't sound like any she had ever heard before. I told her I was from New York City, but that my grandparents are from Russia and Poland. When she realized I was Jewish, she asked me, "where are your horns?" I replied, "excuse me? My horns?" Turns out, she was taught that all Jews grow horns to keep their large black hats in place at all times. It took me a good half hour to explain to her, that A. all Jews are not Hasidic, and B. humans cannot physically grow horns.

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