What are some TMI's (too much information) that you learned that you wish you hadn't?

Ziaki · 11 months

My dad told me that my mom put out on the first date. : /

Bencool · 11 months

Found out my second cousin did porn.....15:34 too late.

hypecat · 11 months

I had a teacher in high school that got fired because he told my class the most accommodating sexual position for him and his fat wife and then proceeded to detail WHY other positions just didnt quite get her off. Freshman year. All girls school.

The0isaZero · 11 months

Went to a wedding recently, one of my old high school teachers was there, and got very drunk. Proceeded to tell me about a school trip we went on and I wore shorts. The deputy headmaster was apparently very taken with my 14 year old legs.

Urgh.

Omegaexcellens · 11 months

My Grandmother: I love having menopause! i can have all the sex i want without worrying about children.

The rest of the family: ಠ_ಠ

assesundermonocles · 11 months

An uber-conservative friend of mine got drunk after a half-bottle of vodka and confessed to everyone in the room that his biggest fantasy is to get fucked by a horse.

I don't know how common that is, but I was just stunned silent at the time. No words.

noawesomenameneeded · 11 months

A few weeks ago there was a picture posted on Reddit of a large slab of meat that was being butchered when a huge abscess was cut into which leaked out a massive amount of puss. That.

moscova89 · 11 months

Apparently my dad's penis tastes like blueberries.

I didn't need to know that.

twenty_minutes_late · 11 months

That my ex's oral technique is largely due to my sisters input

fueledsrt · 11 months

was on a first date with a very attractive woman, talking about this and that when randomly she revealed that she had once hooked up with Sting after one of his concerts, and that he had a huge foot fetish and busted a nut on her feet.... long uncomfortable silence followed....

evdocia · 11 months

Anal beads in my parents drawer. No more snooping for me, I've seen enough.

fatalconvex · 11 months

A few years ago I was visiting my (then) boyfriend in the hospital, and we ended up watching TV with his mother while waiting on the doc. Every channel we turned to had boobs, the last being of an uncensored breast augmentation surgery. We both were kind of flabbergasted because the woman on the screen just had a bloody hole on her tit where her nipple should be. His mom goes on to tell us that it was a common procedure, and decides to show me the scars from her own augmentation. It was the first time I had met her.

As a side note, apparently she used their christmas money for the implants and all he got was a bag of pistachios that year.

skinnymidwest · 11 months

My grandmother told me 2 stories. One about an Orgy she was part of and another about how she dropped acid with Timothy Leery.

invisible_monkey · 11 months

Cleaning off a VP's computer at work, accidentally right-clicked on the Windows Media Player icon on the taskbar, which until then I did not know showed the player's history. It was full of "WATCH as this 14-year-old girl gets fucked by her stepfather!.wmv", "underage girls showering.mpg", "uncle fucking hot teenage niece.wmv"

I took screenshots. Insurance, bitches.

EDIT: Christ people, it was the file history. Just text strings. It could have been videos of puppies chasing soap bubbles for all I'd be able to prove.

mikesername · 11 months

Went upstairs to grab the stapler off of my parents' desk. Found a note. It read:

book-mark.net
pornhub.com
porntube.com

I was like wtf dad. pornhub? That's middle school shit. And you actually had to write them down?

I_AM_LE_LIQUOR · 11 months

I learned that I was conceived in the reverse cow girl position. Thanks dad

Warlizard · 11 months

I've told this before, but it's definitely appropriate for the thread.

My new fiancée Betty and I were sitting on the couch, watching the Westminster Kennel Club dog show when she looked over at me and casually said, “My first orgasm came from a dog.”

Ryno3639 · 11 months

"I love sex on cocaine!" - My Mom

CrackedPepper86 · 11 months

When we were on ecstasy my best friend told me he had a diaper fetish.

Trapped_in_Reddit · 11 months

My dad has a fetish for musclebound women such as bodybuilders.

He really needs to delete his Internet history.

reverse_cigol · 11 months

Found out one of my great great uncles was in the KKK.

___mads · 11 months

My mom didn't have an open discourse with her parents about sex when she was a teenager, so she decided to be very open with me about it, starting when I was 14. She said to me, "My mother didn't talk to me about sex until my wedding day... and she told me, <commence old-country Greek grandmother accent> "Your father is hung like a horse. After all these years, he still makes me sore.""

and then i cauterized my genitals, the end.

RadicalRobot · 11 months

My mother-in-law takes it up the ass.
My sister-in-law and her 400lb husband fuck while watching porn and it is the only way she can get off (I don't blame her on that one, probably)
My dad's internet history included "fisting."

jollygreengiant719 · 11 months

My boss is selling natures sunshine. She's constantly trying to sell her employees that shit. To try and help push it she's informed us of her bowel movements and how much more regular they are since she started taking NS pills. My buddy's desk is next to the bathroom and has made sure to let me know she still has the shotgun shits.

The0isaZero · 11 months

Driving past a holiday caravan park in a forest, my mum announces "Hey, The0isaZero, you were conceived there!"

The rest of the journey was awkward.

hammerdong · 11 months

Was on grandma's computer and "How to stimulate men with erectile dysfunction" in the google tool bar. Far too much.

I_LIVE_FOR_KARMA · 11 months

I found my mom's dildo collection. Yeah... A FUCKING COLLECTION! Who in the fuck has 11 dildos??

Dickfore · 11 months

My sister told me my mom still gives my dad (63 years old) BJ's.

Great for him. But I didn't need to know. As far as I'm concerned, I was conceived immaculately, and my parents never had the S word

Assange_the_veg · 11 months

My step mum told me a story about how one time on her birthday my dad wore a leather thong to her sister's house. Long story short he got chafed and I got mentally scarred, pass the brain bleach please?

coldfire17 · 11 months

My brother is the result of a broken condom. Thanks Mom, that didn't scar my 11 year old self at all!

SonicCephalopod · 11 months

Random customer: "I just got a tattoo today!" Innocent me: "Oh really? What'd ya get?" Random Customer: "I got a four leaf clover and the words 'lucky you' above my vag." Innocent me: ಠ_ಠ

TheShrinkingGiant · 11 months

TIL that some people think there is pus in cow's milk.

There isn't.

There's no more pus in cow milk than there is in the breast milk my wife and I feed my son.

Badman2 · 11 months

My Mom told my sister that she watches porn with my Dad before they have sex, and then my sister told me. I don't need to know this.

Trapped_in_Reddit · 11 months

My mom was talking about a fetish of hers with me one day while she was drunk. She told me how she loved it when dad had sex with her while her tampon was still inside her. I've had images I can't even begin to describe stuck inside my head for years.

ArrenPawk · 11 months

Years ago I was at the pool at my local gym, swimming laps like a former swim team bawse, when I apparently catch the eye of some flamboyant bear in the lane next to me. I'm a nice guy, so when he strikes up conversation, I oblige and talk to him. He seems cool enough, until literally four sentences later, when he asks, "have you ever had your asshole eaten?"

He then proceeds to regale me of stories about how he can convert straight guys like me by tossing their salads; it supposedly changes their lives, it's so good. I learned way too much about his previous boy toy and his balls. :\

I nope'd the fuck out of there, but not fast enough to avoid him offering me a massage and an opportunity to "cruise with him" later that night.

kriztal · 11 months

My grandmother told me that she still wears see-through panties and thongs.

aymalah · 11 months

That the lady that camps next to me has "swamp crotch" ....certainly isn't shy about it either.

ChatGarou · 11 months

My mother is a teacher and I recently got married. I don't have many friends so my shower was pretty much just her teacher friends (nearly all of whom had been my teachers in school.) They played a game writing marriage advice on cards and giving them to me.

Pretty disturbing hearing your 60 year old junior high teacher telling you how great make-up sex is. ಠ_ಠ

siromo · 11 months

A group of friends from school told me about all of the times they've gotten drunk before. This, on it's own, isn't bad. However, they are (apparently) incredibly hypersexual drunks. I know these people from one or two classes, and they tell me about every sexual encounter they've ever had.

ಠ_ಠ

LaughNowCryLater · 11 months

That my mother has never had an orgasm. I was simultaneously revolted at the thought of my mom having sex, and outraged because she actually had never had an orgasm. My Mom dresses like she's Amish, and is conservative Seventh Day Adventist, and she randomly asked me one day over tea.

ShinraX0 · 11 months

1) my dad accidently showed a friend of mine a photo of his naked girlfriend (he was browsing through his photos to find a specific one). It was for both rather awkward and I really didn't want to know about the existance of such photos.

2) while helping my mother with her move I found a box with sex toys in it. It was just a really short glance but I will never get it out of my head.

EDIT: German me wrote fotos instead of photos. Thx nitrosage.

Dookiestain_LaFlair · 11 months

That my father has a long and mighty penis. It doesn't run in the family. However, one time some guy was about to start a fight with me so I yelled "By the mighty penis of my father!" and it caused him to pause just long enough for me to kick him in the balls as hard as I could.

janus510 · 11 months

my dad keeps a diary, I was looking up my birthday then decided to go back nine months, regret!

[deleted] · 11 months

my mom texts her boyfriend naked pictures ಠ_ಠ

theriogenology · 11 months

I study reproduction but that still doesn't change the fact that I hate thinking about how I came out of my mom's vagina.

Nicticattack · 11 months

Everyone in my family found out that my dad takes ED meds while innocently eating breakfast in a quiet little restaurant in Cincinnati. I can't eat oatmeal anymore.

not_a_llama · 11 months

Two ex-gfs talking about menstruation and how sometimes chunks of stuff come out along with the blood.

JuniperGail · 11 months

any time a random stranger decides to tell me their life story...some things are best left private

MiniMammoth · 11 months

My dad goes to Jizzonline when nobodies home.........He's lucky i delete it from the address bar and history....

Chibeli · 11 months

My parents use spermicidal foam. :(

IAmAn_Assassin · 11 months

I came across the Jolly Rancher story without being warned. TMINSFL.

[deleted] · 11 months

i have a half-black SO, and a friend of mine apparently felt we should bond after he also started dating a blakc girl. by showing me a video of him fucking her.

Oboto · 11 months

the mighty cumbox

assesundermonocles · 11 months

That butter is an excellent lubricant for a rectal exam.

Barley12 · 11 months

My ex-girlfriend's of 2 days sex life.

pa79 · 11 months

A 75 year old man once told me how his mother walked in on him the first time he masturbated as a child. She saw his bedsheet and told him that it looked like a map. We knew him, but he told us (5 people in their early twenties) that completely without context. He just felt like it.

Roberta04 · 11 months

My mom got some lipstick from a giveaway bag for something I don't remember and one of the colours was called "orgasm", which was kind of a coral/pink colour. She was telling me about it and goes "That's a pretty good colour to describe an orgasm." I was like, MOM NO.

edit:

Also, one time my mom and I were on a cruise and sitting in the room we shared after unpacking our suitcases. She then calls her boyfriend and they talk for a bit, doing the whole "I miss you" thing. He then says something like, you should send me pictures of you and she replies "pictures of what part of me?" and kind of giggled. Again, MOM NO I'M IN THE ROOM.

MacBooker · 11 months

I was looking for some socks one day in my parents' room (we place clean laundry there before we put it away) when I heard my phone go off. I start looking for it, and I figure out it's not my phone. I keep looking in case it's my mom's or something, when I open the drawer to her bedside table. Two vibrators: one labeled hers, and one labeled his. ohgodwhy.jpg

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