top 200 commentsshow 500

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]xcadrill[S] 646 points647 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

No bathroom breaks. Either do your business in the room or try and hold it till 5pm.

The room will get cleaned out for the next day if you do decide to go in there however

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]tyme 455 points456 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I recommend against psychedelics in complete darkness. Your mind can imagine some fucked up shit (or, at least, mine did).

[–][deleted] 694 points695 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah but you can't deny watching a rainbow sheep murder your family would pass the time

[–]rackgen 196 points197 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

rainbow sheep

They exist!

[–]Pyotr_Mikhailov 289 points290 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's just a regular sheep after murdering my rainbow family.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]JasonGD1982 157 points158 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Especially when you start remembering things you saw on the Internet the night before you could end up having a bad time http://i.imgur.com/rJCcp.gif

[–]DeusGiggity 119 points120 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Is it just me, or does that gif seem to be going faster with every loop?

[–]GethLegion 103 points104 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yes.

What. The. Fuck.

[–]salavis 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'll never have a good trip again after seeing that gif...

[–]Cptn_Hook 256 points257 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Out of curiosity, how much is the person cleaning up my poop getting paid? Not 30,000 a week, I bet.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]supkristin 174 points175 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Dark Room Poop Cleaner Guy probably has a higher tax rate, too.

[–]memetichazard 34 points35 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'll do it if we can have a toilet installed in the room. And, if lunch is provided. If I have to fast as well... I'm not so sure about it.

[–]microwave_head 1362 points1363 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You'd go crazy, but you would have plenty of money to spend on therapy.

[–]Apostolate 952 points953 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I honestly think I could do this for a year and not go crazy. I would just learn to meditate online/in yoga/through a class, and then do that. After a year I'd have 1.56 million dollars, and I would be zen with everything in my life/the world.

Remember you can still have long weekends and vacation! And there's absolutely NO work after the clock ends, nothing to do at home, and no stress about upcoming deadlines!

[–]iliketurtles2795 477 points478 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

There is absolutely nothing against exercise. I would do yoga, and imagine things that I want to paint so when I get home I could start right away.

[–]TehNumbaT 593 points594 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Get ripped doing prison workouts also

[–]nolens_volens 254 points255 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Is it possible to get totally shredded without using any apparatus?

[–]Ossentjuk 464 points465 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yes.

[–]lordkrike 288 points289 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

/r/bodyweightfitness welcomes you.

[–]A-punk 2920 points2921 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's 1.56 million in one year.

You're basically paying me to learn my own untapped sonar abilities.

[–]Randamba 1567 points1568 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I don't think I could stay awake doing absolutely nothing for 8 hours straight in a pitch black room, even if I got paid 1.56 million dollars every time I was successful.

But maybe if I was allowed to do push-ups and other simple body weight work outs, I could come out at the end of the year as a ripped millionaire.

Edit: Or maybe just come out the end of the first week, ripped off.

Edit2: A lot of people seem to have missed out on the part where you have to be awake the whole time you're working.

[–]letsgetrich 1236 points1237 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This is true, you would very likely go insane or at least have serious mental issues as a result. Humans react very badly to no external stimulus.

[–][deleted] 1001 points1002 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Psshhh. I could do it with my eyes closed.

[–]oer6000 792 points793 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I have a pet theory that what we call free will is just a complicated response to changing stimuli and that's why people go mad in low or limited change stimuli environments

When I was like 12 or 13 I used to lie in bed all stiff acting like I was dead to see how long I could go staying like that, not moving an inch at all. I could go for close to an hour and a bit at my peak

Of course thanks to that I now have a fear of being buried alive

[–]Aint_got_no_agua 450 points451 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Being buried alive is actually the #1 fear of adult males. [Source] I read that shit somewhere and I'm terrified of it too. My actual number 1 fear is not the same but related. Being in a prolonged coma but actually conscious.

[–]Zoloir 217 points218 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Have you read the article about scientists (or a scientist? not sure) communicating with someone in a coma? Apparently this may be pretty likely.

[–]Aint_got_no_agua 215 points216 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I have read several of them, they scare the shit out of me. My family has instructions to break into the hospital and shoot me in the face if I'm ever in a long term coma. If I'm a veggie, what's the point? If I'm conscious, I'm going crazy inside my own mind, kill me naaaaaooow!

[–][deleted] 131 points132 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Prepare to have your mind blown:

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

[–]Banaam 98 points99 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Locked in syndrome? That's a big fear of mine.

[–]Bear_Masta 112 points113 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Buried alive by thousands and thousands of spiders.

[–]Flene 599 points600 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Think of all the tiny shovels.

[–]letsgetrich 118 points119 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You make an interesting point but I can't stop laughing at the mental image I have of someone attempting to remain perfectly rigid for an hour.

[–]Dante_Aligamer 326 points327 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I think there's medication available for people who want to stay rigid for an hour.

[–]t-rexatron 229 points230 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah but that's for an extended period of time. Now, 8 hours in the hole is certainly very traumatizing but I don't think this situation compares. First, when you're put in solitary, especially in a wartime situation, you are often:injured, exhausted, and you don't know when you will next eat let alone be released.

Here you have none of that fear, you know it is only 8 hours (I suppose at first it would be scary because you might not trust them, but assuming in the fictional scenario you can trust your employers). 8 hours alone doing something calming like meditating, especially since you will be fed/given water, is totally possible. Also there's the benefit of knowing that you're getting either $6000/day or 30/7($1000)/day at the end of it.

tl;dr I don't think so because you would not fear your captors so no PTSD/other mental problems. Also money$ anyway that wall of text is just my armchair bs take it or leave it.

[–]redditvlli 174 points175 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Believe it or not this study has already been done. It's called the Pit of Despair and has shown to have very disturbing effects:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pit_of_despair

[–]Gluttony4 208 points209 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The monkeys in that experiment didn't know what was happening, on account of being monkeys, however. It's potentially a very different situation.

[–]SovTempest 176 points177 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Also, it's against their will. The job offer isn't "$30k a day, pitch black 8 hours. You want it?" "No." "...too bad!"

But on another note, that is a horrifying "study". And was more akin to torture than to extracting any valuable data. I don't think anything original was learned, it was just laid out plainly.

[–]diuge 84 points85 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Artificial insemination had not then been developed; instead, Harlow devised what he called a "rape rack," to which the female isolates were tied in normal monkey mating posture.

Pit of Despair, Rape Rack, this guy should not have been allowed to name things.

[–]2Weird2Live2Rare2Die 21 points22 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I dunno, I like things to do what it says on the tin. I'd hate to climb onto a Giggle Time Silly-Go-Round only to realize, just as a violently aroused rhesus monkey penetrates me against my will, that the term 'Rape Rack' would have been much more apt.

[–]Tiek00n 350 points351 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You can do things like working out, you're just not allowed to bring any weights in with you.

[–]IAmBJ 224 points225 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'd be OK with this, you'd be surprised how far you can go with just body weight exercises

[–]Drpeppertacos 268 points269 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

There's a fapping joke in this some where

[–]DroneMan11 100 points101 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

He can sit there, get bored, workout, then have a post work out celebratory fap and then sit down and chill for a bit. Mind you, there would be quite a bit of jizz in that room towards the end.

[–]sir_perderder[!] 386 points387 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

can i bring my shoe box?

[–]Somethin_Clever 303 points304 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Insanity!

[–]YouHadMeAtDontPanic 211 points212 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Serenity now. Insanity later.

[–]Tuchpi 61 points62 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]AdorableZeppelin 211 points212 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You've just made me come to the realization that making 30k/week "only" nets 1.56 million per year. That's making more in a week that many people make per year, and it's still only 1.56 million. There are people out there making many times 1.56 million per year.

This just blew my mind.

[–]ZebZ 44 points45 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Alex Rodriguez, the highest paid player in baseball, makes $29 million per season.

Assuming he plays a full schedule with no games missed (which he gets paid for, btw), he makes:

  • $179,012 per game (162 games per season)
  • $19,890 per inning (9 innings per game)
  • $35,802 per at-bat (assuming 5 ABs per game)
  • $7,160 per pitch per at-bat (assuming 5 pitches per plate appearance)

Alex Ovechkin is the highest paid hockey player, at $9,538,462 per season.

2011-2012 was a subpar season for him, but he earned:

  • $122,287 per game (78 games played, 4 games missed)
  • $6,176 per minute of ice time (19:48 TOI average)
  • $102 per second of ice time
  • $146,745 per point (38G, 27A)

[–]YourCommentAsANovel 2428 points2429 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

A-punk appears to the common folk to be an average man. He enjoys listening to an old Pink Floyd album. He watches How I Met Your Mother. He orders Chinese take-out after an exhausting day at work. But unbeknownst to most, four years ago, he was given an offer that changed everything in his life. Unemployed, and living off of checks from his mother, A-punk was picking up spaghetti noodles in a dollar store when a mysterious grey-faced man in a black suit started towards him.

"A-punk," the man said, "I know you've been struggling. Consider this." The man handed him a business card detailing the offer. Before A-punk could even question it, the man was gone.

The card read "DO NOTHING. GET PAID $30K A WEEK. CALL (337) 278-5086 IF INTERESTED." A-punk jumped in his car and headed home, laughing at the strange experience. Opening the front door to his apartment, he thought, this is an obvious scam, but he thought he'd at least call. The moment he pulled out his cell phone, the man appeared before him. "Come with me," the man commanded. Stunned, A-punk remained motionless. At that instant, the man placed his hand on A-punk's shoulder and they were in pitch-blackness. A-punk was petrified; unable to move, unable to even comprehend what had happened. He heard a door open behind him, and when he turned around, the light was blinding. He was handed a large stack of money, and he heard in the suited man's voice "Show up here-- 955 Slaystack Avenue-- every day, Monday through Friday, and there will be plenty more of that."

That was 4 years ago, and he's shown up everyday since. At first, he was only in it for the money. He'd hate when they would put objects in the room just to trip him up. But after a few months, he started to notice his senses changing. He could feel the presence of the brick they had placed in the center of the room. As time went on, these sonar abilities became more accurate. He could pinpoint the location of any object of any shape or size. Realizing he was being tested, he began calling out the location of the object, its shape, and sometimes even small sentences of raised text placed on the object. When he'd call out these objects, a voice over the intercom would say something like "Very good, thank you, A-punk".

Today, A-punk got in his car to go to the warehouse that held the little pitch-black room he worked in all day. But when he arrived at the warehouse, the grey faced man was waiting for him. He had an assignment for A-punk. An assignment that would put him beside thousands of other test subjects in a war that was to be waged... thousands of feet below the surface of Mars.

[–]orthros 1019 points1020 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I would watch this. Starring Ed Norton as A-Punk and Nicholas Cage as Grey Faced Man.

[–]CIassic 565 points566 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Clint Eastwood as grey faced man, and Ed norton as a-punk

[–]Seregnar 489 points490 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, A-punk?

[–]GeeJo 314 points315 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

sonar blast down the gun's barrel

"Yes. Yes I do."

[–][deleted] 1601 points1602 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Kristen Stewart can be the brick

[–]thebillmac3 1101 points1102 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

She lacks the range.

[–]BlazmoIntoWowee 531 points532 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You're right. I can throw a brick way farther than I can throw Kristen Stewart.

[–]youdontevenner 464 points465 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I disagree. Steve Carell should be the brick.

[–]Jewbobalicious 1188 points1189 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

A+, would read again.

[–]Saifire18 834 points835 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

A-punk+

[–]I_make_things[!] 312 points313 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

BUT WHO WAS BRICK?

[–]spooky760 268 points269 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Steve Carell.

[–]sarapants 166 points167 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I would read the shit out of this as a novel..

[–]Tannerflake 141 points142 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Day 284: Today I sat in a small dark room for 8 hours.

Day 285: Today I sat in a small dark room for 8 hours.

Day 286: Today I sat in a small dark room for 8 hours.

[–]TheOtherSarah 25 points26 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Day 287: Today I sat in a small dark room for 8 hours. This reminds me of the time, 285 days ago, when I went stark raving mad.

[–]nickk024 151 points152 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This is a fantastic movie premise. FANTASTIC. Make it. I'd watch it. Hell, I'd even pay.

[–]fsck-y 99 points100 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Darkness in HD as never seen before.

[–]Minotaur_in_house 219 points220 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Your dedication to your account is impressive.

[–]AsSureAsStars 172 points173 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Your optimism for this novelty account is impressive, seeing that this is a brand new user.

[–]Cilph 107 points108 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Seems legit. Welcome.

[–]warpus 1266 points1267 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You said we get to sit so I'm assuming there is a chair.

Here's my list of stuff I'd do to kill time:

  • Work out
  • Try to balance the chair on 2 legs
  • Practice my singing
  • Practice my spoken Esperanto
  • Try to balance the chair on my chin
  • Mentally re-live my trip to Machu Picchu in an 80s montage kind of daydream with more awesomeness and more boobs
  • Practice my multiplication table
  • Think up ideas for a novel
  • Try to contact my male ancestors by awakening my inner self
  • Try to learn how to speak with a Russian accent
  • Try to suck my dick
  • Try to make origami out of my clothes
  • Think up haikus and memorize them
  • Have an argument with myself
  • Masturbate
  • Try to get a nail out of the chair so I can carve my name in the door
  • Learn how to stand on my hands
  • Learn how to yodel

I have another list if there's a desk

[–]wanderingtroglodyte 512 points513 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

How many furniture based lists do you have? What would you do with a bookshelf? or a stool? or a couch?

[–]warpus 531 points532 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Wouldn't you like to know

[–]megabits 97 points98 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yes, please go on. I'm taking notes.

[–]exaltedbladder 194 points195 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

  1. Anal with chair leg

[–]Poopstick_McButtdog 329 points330 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That escalated quickly

[–]cjp 228 points229 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I have another list if there's a desk

Go on.

[–][deleted] 171 points172 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

• Masturbate

[–]StoneFawkes 242 points243 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

  • Masturbate on desk

[–]nty 117 points118 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

  • Pretend it is Deborah's and shit on it

[–]Doddles 337 points338 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Do you have to sit in silence? No movement or making noise? These are gamechangers. You could exercise with movement or sing and dance around

[–]xcadrill[S] 325 points326 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I guess if you could exercise while sitting down, go for it.

[–]gamergrl1018 680 points681 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Looks like I'm dragging my ass across the ground all day like a dog with an itchy anus

[–][deleted] 793 points794 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

their ass isnt itchy, dogs are trying to release their anal sac juice that usually comes out when they poop. It has a fishy smell. When they rub their ass across the ground its called "scooting" and the dog is releasing the fluid onto your carpet.

Edit: to prevent your dog from doing this stick your fingers up its butt and youll feel 2 grape like things. give em a squeeze and youll have juice flying from their butthole.

Enjoy

[–]Beanbaker 659 points660 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

D:

[–]TwoDeuces 496 points497 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I wouldn't advise leaving your mouth hanging open like that if you squeeze them.

[–]seminolekb 102 points103 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Unless you're into that sort of thing.

[–]KridaMcNinja 34 points35 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Not that theres anything wrong with that

[–]GalacticWhale 73 points74 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'll just clean the carpets...

[–]A_Dallas_Welcome 420 points421 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

looks at username
You've been waiting for this, haven't you?

[–][deleted] 212 points213 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I actually made it on a whim. I couldnt remember my acct's password so i quick made a new one so i could tell everyone that I know why dogs scoot!

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]Second_Location 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Our vet was knuckle-deep in our dog doing this when he glances over his shoulder and says casually "you know, I could teach you guys how to do this so you wouldn't have to bring her in." We were like "no thanks, champ, we'll go ahead and pay you the extra twelve dollars."

[–]Doddles 51 points52 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Looks like I'm singing and clicking my fingers all day every day then.

[–]WhatThePenis 467 points468 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

If you ask Reddit if they'd do something for a decent amount of money, the answer will be yes.

[–]Ingmundar 2021 points2022 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yes, but it would make small talk a little bit awkward.

"So, what do you do for a living."

"Well, I... err... sit in a black box and wank. Sometimes when stoned. Sometimes I go all Buddha and shit and meditate for 8 hours. What do you do?"

"Wait, you do what?!"

"Did I mention I'm a fucking millionaire?"

[–]ZapActions-dower 831 points832 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm thinking that meditation would probably be one of the only ways to get through it.

[–]thrillho145 600 points601 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Or drugs.

Or both.

[–]Garrett-R 392 points393 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'd go with both.

[–]ghs145 126 points127 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Fuck that. What happens if you get the munchies?

[–]sumigod 183 points184 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

use harder drugs and not pot. they last longer too. words of wisdom.

[–]What_is_this_1990 137 points138 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Acid.

[–]Herr__Doktor 369 points370 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I imagine insanity would quickly follow sitting in a black room day after day for 8 hours, completely off your face on acid.

[–]What_is_this_1990 39 points40 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Well, not every day...

[–]PharmerBob 48 points49 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

No no no no. Everyday.

[–]Saktoth 366 points367 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This is really not that different from a lot of meditation courses. I've spent 10 days in total silence, meditating for 10+ hours a day (with breaks, so no more than 2 hours at a time). 8 hours with weekends off? Easy. People do this for free. Hell they pay money to do this.

[–]IntellectualWanderer 107 points108 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What exactly do you do for a living?

[–][deleted] 398 points399 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Unemployed.

[–]DJBJ 23 points24 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I really want to do a meditation retreat for 10 days, how was yours?

[–]loves_being_that_guy 691 points692 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Imagine if there was somebody in the box the whole time. They would just sit for hours and listen to you masturbate. And you wouldn't even know...

[–]SeeMeHereSeeMeThere 823 points824 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I bet that you'd love being that guy.

[–]plantsaretheorigin 389 points390 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

He'd get paid twice as much as the first guy.

[–]gintrees 388 points389 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

no, he'd be paying the first guy.

[–]Exodus2011 41 points42 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Now I get it, this is a job offer. Pretty sneaky, xcadrill!

[–]wompzilla 15 points16 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You think that hasn't happened? You really think that hasn't happened to you?

[–]nebetsu 108 points109 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What if the job required drug testing?

[–]ISS5731 996 points997 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Depends which drugs I get to test.

[–]gummz00 913 points914 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's okay, she'd be sold at your last sentence.

[–]lLoveLamp 387 points388 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Who says it's a she? That could be the counter clerk teen at your conveniance store trying to make conversation... Making the awkwardness reach new levels

[–]BeneathTheWaves 300 points301 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's OK, he'd be sold too.

[–]EternalStudent 93 points94 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Getting stoned never occurred to me. I feel like dropping acid or eating some peyote or somesuch would make this job friggin easy.

[–]econymous 372 points373 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

A bad trip in that room would be horrible

[–]pbj192 489 points490 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

only if I have perception of time

[–]EagleBurn 284 points285 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

To be honest, I would do it without. The darkness has never bothered me. The thing I would be worried about is how comfy the chair/couch is.

[–]Diego_Rivera 174 points175 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Remember, no sleep. A comfy couch will make you want to fall asleep.

[–]EagleBurn 256 points257 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I honestly don't see how that will be possible, even without a couch or bed. It's human nature to get tired when surrounded by darkness, especially when in it for eight hours. They will have to make a system of some sorts to make sure you don't fall asleep or there is no way anyone would make a week.

[–]bgb111 12 points13 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Air horn at random intervals?

[–]Digipatd 20 points21 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Oh mother of god, no.

[–]the_good_time_mouse 2143 points2144 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Congress is hiring?

[–]Christophilies 1075 points1076 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

[–]OnTheLeft 199 points200 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]shawnkelly 90 points91 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Double click on the ostrich.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]Robamaton 25 points26 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Congress? Work 40 hours a week year-round? I wish.

[–]kendalltristan 1695 points1696 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm remarkably adept at keeping myself entertained. I can literally lay in bed staring at the ceiling for hours and stay perfectly content. You're damn right I would take that job.

[–]I_hate_whales 1106 points1107 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's a blessing and a curse.

[–]Sappy_Life 675 points676 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It just means that we're happier in a dreamland than in real life.

[–]Hingleton 624 points625 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”

[–][deleted] 446 points447 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Pretty, but as an avid day-dreamer I can confirm this is a lie.

[–]ffreak3 109 points110 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

How's this then?

"Those who dream by day catch things missed by those who only dream at night"

[–]Skizot_Bizot 116 points117 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Nope I miss out on a lot due to not paying attention. But I love my la la land regardless.

[–]kenmaclean 64 points65 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

i suffered about three consecutive weeks of near insomnia (<5h of sleep a week), and learned i also have this skill.

[–]Neutrum 431 points432 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I think the main problem here is that you'd have to keep at it for an entire year.

If I was able to quit whenever I wanted, I guess I could do it for two or three, maybe four weeks for that paycheck. I'd occupy myself with working out as much as possible (calisthenics, isometrics, stretching, running in place). In my free time, I'd read books on philosophy and similarly difficult subjects and then ponder them while I'm at "work".

But for a whole year..? Not a chance.

[–]safe_plagiarism 825 points826 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Actually, it's no problem. The rules are that if you sleep once during a week's work, you forfeit that week's pay.

Even if you are only able to stay awake in the room one week per month, you would make 360k over the year. So you could just design a system where you only try and stay awake for one or two weeks per month, and make 360-720k for that year.

This would help keep you relatively sane, and you would need fewer things to occupy your time with (since you are only trying for 1/4 to 1/2 of the total paycheck.) I'd say that 360-720k per year is a good salary for this kind of thing.

[–]IShireBeTolkien 712 points713 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Slacking off at the world's easiest job and you can still make bank

[–]DalaiLamaDrama 185 points186 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Best solution I've read so far. I'm sure near the end you'd be so rich you wouldn't mind losing 30k for some naptime.

[–]compromised_account 26 points27 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Such a strange thing to read but yeah you're probably right...

[–]nbarnacle 73 points74 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The rules are that if you sleep once during a week's work, you forfeit that week's pay.

I'd take that shit to the Ministry of Labour. That's just illegal.

[–]divermax 67 points68 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You could spend your free time learning to read Braille. Then you could read while you "work".

[–]weekzzkeew 121 points122 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You are not allowed to bring anything

[–]GladosCalledMeFat 189 points190 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Record your thoughts in braille with bodily matter and reread it once it dries.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]weedandhookerspit 941 points942 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yes absolutely. I would masturbate furiously and try to beat my pop record every day.

[–]reynej 951 points952 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Why furiously? You've got all day.

[–]IViolateSocks 573 points574 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Exactly. Take your time, love yourself, then jerk yourself into submission.

[–]lLoveLamp 308 points309 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Plus, getting to make scenarios with your eyes wide open!

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]iShlappy 178 points179 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Japan needs to get on this right now.

[–]downneck 57 points58 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

what makes you think they aren't already?

[–]Sacamato 26 points27 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Seriously, make it last.

[–]FyreFlimflam 85 points86 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"The fact that you call it that tells me you're not ready for it."

[–]Kyrea 185 points186 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I guess it would be a unique way to get better at meditation.

[–]CHEWS_OWN_FORESKIN 79 points80 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

and other things.

[–]JFKENN 159 points160 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Like chewing your own foreskin?

[–]load_more_comets 91 points92 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

My rabbi has already taken care of that.

[–][deleted] 682 points683 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

that's unhealthy work bordering on torture

but holy shit, 30k/week?

[–]A_Huge_Mistake 331 points332 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I thought the title said 30k/year, and I was like "hmm maybe, tough question". Then I read the comments.

Fuck yes I would take that job.

[–]Zabombafor 412 points413 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I work in a fertilizer plant with acid, ammonia, and a slew of other harmful toxins all around me. A dark room isnt going to give me cancer and severely burn me. (Sent from phone)

[–]Mr_Quagmire 246 points247 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You should find a new job.

[–]IAmA-Steve 561 points562 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

And give his job to immigrants? LIKE HELL HE SHOULD. USA #1

[–]nolens_volens 225 points226 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

USAUSAUSAUSAUSA

If you aint free, yer dead

[–]Faranya 32 points33 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Then who will make our fertilizer?

[–]DetroitLeft 730 points731 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Nice try kidnapper.

[–][deleted] 309 points310 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I don't plan on paying you nearly that much.

[–]kinkyslinky[!] 249 points250 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You bastard.

[–]JaggedJimmyJr 59 points60 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The size of the room is no issue. It's pitch black, you can't see shit anyway. It might as well be Moria. As long as it's not a coffin, it wouldn't be a problem most of the time.

It would be a great mental challenge. Deprived of one of your major senses, you could focus on the others. You could try mental math problems. Practice a new language. Sing. Masturbate. Try to understand how the blind people survive. Meditate. Perfect your handstand.

I would give it a try provided that I'm not forced to go to 'work' if I want to resign.

[–]FUS_ROALD_DAHL 121 points122 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Actually, for me the room size matters a lot. If it was a small one (like the size of a closet) I'd probably be okay with it. But if it was big, like a warehouse, I'd get freaked out that there was something in there with me.

Something that was watching me every second of those eight hours. Creeping up and standing (floating?) right behind me. Or looming right in front of my face.

Trapped in the dark with my imagination for that long, every day for a year? I wouldn't make it.

[–]NotaMethAddict 263 points264 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Everyone I've seen in this thread so far has been saying they could do it, but honestly I don't think anyone could. People aren't meant to be isolated that long, and from their senses as well would only make it worse. Sure 30K a week would be incredible, but you would literally go insane unless you've worked your way up to that point with learned meditation. The brain needs stimulation. Basic explanation of what would happen

EDIT: Blind people aren't trapped in isolation for eight hours a day. It's apples to oranges.

[–]TheGoomba 171 points172 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

In a pitch black room for this duration you would certainly have auditory and visual hallucination. All the people saying they can meditate this long are full of shit. And even if they DO meditate 8 hours a day (no you don't) you don't do it in a pitch black room which is silent for 8 hours on end. When there is no stimulus in your world your brain creates stimuli. After a YEAR of this at 40 hours a week, this will change your life forever and not in the way where it gets better due to money.

[–]aspartamed 12 points13 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah, not only would you be seeing and hearing shit, you'd sleep whether or not you were aware of it and completely lose track of time after like 2 hours.

[–]EminGH 44 points45 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

A few weeks ago I read about a room that was 99.999% silent. Nobody could stay in it more than 45 minutes.

[–]htcp 22 points23 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]bsoder 79 points80 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The only thing this entire thread has taught me is that there are people out there who cannot masturbate without visual aid...

[–]JackTheJot 16 points17 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It is honestly not that hard.

[–]Dookiestain_LaFlair 25 points26 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Does it come with full health and dental plan?

[–]JackPoe 42 points43 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yes, so long as they provide me a means to avoid falling asleep. I can't control whether or not I will fall asleep if I'm left in a room with no interaction.

My body just goes into standby. Sometimes my eyes are open and I'm just mentally absent. Sometimes I pass out.

[–]RickVince 19 points20 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Get paid a fortune to work out, masturbate, meditate? Sign me up.

No idiot co-workers stressing me out to a point that I once had to go to the hospital or almost die(once)? Hell yes.

...do I get to be naked?

[–][deleted] 95 points96 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

30 grand to meditate all week? Sign me the fuck up.

[–]homerj123 181 points182 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Fuck yeah.

[–]Apostolate 235 points236 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's better than sitting in a nearly pitch black room doing close to nothing 12 hours a day.

[–]gunny16 152 points153 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

and paid 30k... a year

[–]JonAudette 92 points93 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

$30K a week?!?

Fuck. Yes.

[–]danhawkeye 30 points31 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Don't have a source handy but I recall reading about a pilot captured in Vietnam who dealt with solitary confinement by visualizing playing golf in his head. From hole 1 to 18, mentally picturing the course, what clubs he would use, what kind of swing he would use, what the realistic outcome would be and setting up the next shot.

I could do that 8 hours a day. And be sick of golf after a week.

[–]prohoops 39 points40 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Kind of reminds me of this

[–]UrsusArctos 69 points70 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You would probably lose your mind after a while.

[–]magicmurph 34 points35 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What kind of pitch black are we talking about here? Is this like, deep-earth cavern complete darkness? Or just like, pretty fucking dark but when your eyes adjust maybe you can see the line under the door darkness?