Finding a frugal significant other.

BenDarDunDat · 1 year

You are never going to find anyone that's exactly as frugal as you are. They will either be more frugal or less frugal.

Find someone with a good heart and shares many of your same values. From there, it's nice to have someone who can appreciate your strengths while you can appreciate his/her strengths.

Celda · 1 year

Before I met my girlfriend I was not super frugal. I ate at restaurants frequently, didn't save for the future.

Since we met I have adopted her superior frugal habits, we make our own bread, only eat our own cooking (meals cost between $0.75-$1.50 per person, buy bulk ingredients, live in a cheap but good apartment, etc.

Some people are more malleable than others and you may want to look for someone like that.

michalita · 1 year

I wish I had. My spouse and I are currently separated in no small part because he has no concept of future goals and saving rather than the immediate gratification. He makes six figures, but is in debt to the tune of five figures. It's absolutely maddening. I think if you spend enough time with a person, you'll start to see how they operate financially (Do they lavish you with gifts that cost too much? Use credit cards a lot? Want to to go out and spend lots of money on dinner and movies? Take elaborate vacations?). The signs were all there for me, but I didn't really put it together until it was too late.

mobiuschick · 1 year

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kickstand · 1 year

For me, it is a dealbreaker. Frankly, I can't really be close friends with people who are not cautious with their money.

How can you tell? You can tell. Observe closely. Discuss obliquely.

Where do you go on dates? If you suggest a picnic and a hike, does she prefer something that costs money all the time? When you do go out, does she fret over the prices at the restaurant? Does she suggest you split something? Does she ever suggest you save money by cooking at home? Does she pack her own lunch for work? If you mention that you pack a lunch, what's her reaction? If you travel together, see if she is open to staying at a cheaper motel instead of the expensive hotel. Does she shop at a thrift shop? If you mention you got a great shirt at the thrift shop, does she put up her nose at the thought?

It's a dealbreaker. Having a consistent philosophy on finances is one of the major compatibility areas with a spouse.

elvendude · 1 year

I wouldn't say that I've chosen a partner based solely on this. However, it's a bit easier for me, as I work in finance, so I can pretty easily slip in something about a budget. If a date doesn't immediately go, "OMG, how can you keep a budget?!", then it's probably going to be ok.

With that said, one of my SO's keeps a very strict budget, one of them is very irresponsible with money, and one is in between. It's been a trial to bite my tongue when the irresponsible one spends in a way I wouldn't, but I have to remind myself that it's not my money and I don't really get a say.

Also, if you're ok with meeting people online, I would say give OkCupid a try. Their matching algorithm is pretty good. You can rate financial related questions as high importance and get a higher probability of matching with people who feel the same as you.

anarchyreigns · 1 year

If you're from Alberta, find someone who grew up on a farm or ranch.

DimityGirl · 1 year

I wasn't a massively frugal before I met my SO. He didn't push me into being more frugal, he just set a fantastic example and now I try really hard to match that example.

Even if you can't find someone as frugal as yourself I'm hoping you find someone who is willing to make the change for you.

Thinks_Like_A_Man · 1 year

Having married and divorced someone with an entitlement mentality, I can say you are right for your concerns. Having money means having options which equals security for me. There was a time when my then-boyfriend was offered a great job in another city but didn't have the money for the move. I should have bailed then.

Over the next dozen years, I dug us out of credit card debt due to his impulsive spending three times -- each time greater than the last. The divorce came with a $30,000 tab. I had nothing to show for all that work, I have no retirement (he cashed it in and spent it), and only my poverty is financing my kids education.

It was the single shittiest thing about my marriage.

Seriously, get a prenup regardless.

bookwench · 1 year

It's actually very sensible of you to think this way - having shared financial values is a good idea in any long-term relationship. My only advice is to stick to your guns on this one. :)

no1113 · 1 year

Yep. I got her. She rocks. I buy so much more stuff now with her than ever before because she clips all the coupons. I never did that myself before - and still don't do it now actually (she's the one that does it) - but we really take advantage of sales and whatnot now, and I'm actually very surprised at how much of a big difference that's actually made. My fridge is a LOT more stocked now with her than it ever was before she was here. :)

SweetKri · 1 year

You form relationships based on similar values and--here's the important part--ability to communicate and compromise on those things that you don't agree on. There will be deal-breakers, and frivolous spending may be one of those for you. It's like anything else that you're seeking in a relationship, you have to find someone who is worth working out the kinks with.

Quebecoise · 1 year

I don't think you necessarily need to find someone who is naturally frugal. My husband's family is just terrible with money, so for him learning how to save money was an uphill battle. He didn't really have any positive role models for keeping his finances in check.

When I met him he spent money on the most ridiculous things. Like, for example, we went to Costco and one thing that he got was a 5 lb jar of marinated olives. Seriously! Not that I don't like marinated olives, but we did NOT go through that. I bit my tongue because I knew that we could afford him making one financial mistake(and learning from it).

I grew up in a low income household so saving and doing things myself comes naturally to me. I have influenced him positively in this respect! Now he's much more careful with his money, and doesn't buy things impulsively. He also does lots of research before buying big ticket items and consults people.

This REALLY didn't come naturally to him, but he took to it really well! I guess the moral of the story is never count someone out because pinching pennies doesn't come naturally to them! He's also helped me loosen up a bit. I would seriously never treat myself to anything, and he's taught me that I'm worth it!

jlbraun · 1 year

I will repeat what was said below - if they grew up on a farm, chances are good that they're frugal.

DutchessPeabody · 1 year

I feel like my SO is quite a bit more frugal than me. But we have our own finances and my half (and his of course) of the bills are always paid on-time and in full. Also, he has made me more frugal, I cook and pack lunches a lot more now.

mobiuschick · 1 year

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upandtill · 1 year

The only advice I can give is to take things slow in a relationship, and observe, talk openly, and deal honestly. Compromise is an important part to any relationship, but there are some "deal breakers", or things that you are unwilling to compromise on. Those would be the things to discuss in the beginning. If the person can't abide by it, move on. If they are surprised that you even mention it, and they think that it should be common sense like you do, then you've found yourself a keeper.

shatmae · 1 year

I didn't chose my boyfriend solely on his frugality but it really makes it a lot easier since we don't have any financial reasons to argue!

impurath · 1 year

http://www.jdate.com

froggieogreen · 1 year

Depends on if you're frugal in the coupon-clipping sense (which I think is more often seen as "cheap" - not that it is or that it's a bad thing) or in the I make my own bread/beer/shampoo way (which is more about self-sufficiency and environmentalism). My husband and I are the latter, so it was pretty obvious right from our first meeting that we would get along and have many of our important views align. We also met when we were university students, which translates into poor anyway. There was never an expectation of expensive date nights or gifts. It helps that both of us love to cook (and I have a tonne of allergies, so eating out is usually not a good idea anyway) and were raised on homecooking. Asking about someone's childhood can give you a pretty good idea of what kind of life they expect for themselves. I know that if my husband didn't feel the same way in terms of saving and paying off all debts, we might not have gotten married - being in a tough spot is hard enough, but being there because your partner decided that they wanted a new tv, or some other selfish thing, can be really destructive to your relationship. I don't really know of any other advice to give...

mazman1 · 1 year

I wish I could find more girls like you. I find that having similar goals for your financial future is a deal breaker just like say wanting kids or not. My personal goals require me to be somewhat frugal. I don't actively research the cheapest meals, but I have a roommate even though I could afford a place of my own. Things like that. The problem I have is, as some others have pointed out, that it's easy to slip into being cheap. So not socializing because it costs money e.g. gas, booze, food etc. There is a balance to be struck and that balance will have to be found with your future significant other. It's just something, like all important topics, that requires much communication with your partner about. That way you are both on the same page.

pentium4borg · 1 year

I think you're better off not talking about finances, and instead looking at the overall picture of the person you're dating. There are usually a few signs you can watch out for to figure out a person's financial beliefs. Ask the guy what kind of car he drives. 2011 Porsche? Not frugal. Souped-up anything? Probably not frugal, given his concern with appearances. Something used with good gas mileage and low maintenance costs? Frugal, baby!

Similarly, if the other person is choosing/suggesting a location for a date, you can tell a lot from that. An expensive restaurant probably isn't the choice of a frugal person. Coffee might be cliche, but it's not a bad idea frugality-wise since you're out only $5 if the date is awful. Similarly, if the person suggests a rather non-traditional date (hiking, picnic, etc), there's a good chance they're interested in not spending gobs of money.

likegermanywithatee · 1 year

I guess you could discuss your frugal spending habits. My boy knows I can spot a good deal and that I am way into comparison shopping. I have kept us fed for a week on fifteen dollars.

Valokai · 1 year

I think getting out and doing things that really promote that you're that kind of person is the way to go. I've found the crowd of frugal people are the types of people who are going to go out and get involved in environmental groups, sustainability groups, etc. So if you can find things like that around your area that would be a good start.

It's something I've been thinking about a lot recently too, although I'm still too young to want to get into anything serious (I'm only 19, and while I'm sure serious stuff can happen at 19 and go fine, I'm thinking not yet). I have never actually dated in my life, and while that's for a couple reasons, the main one is that I would much rather find a like-minded person. I'm not big into doing traditional things like going out to the movies for a date or something so I need to find someone who's excited when I say stuff like "Hey, let's pack a picnic lunch and go climb that mountain for a date".

And I think I have a perfect plan, too! One that you could probably use to success as well. We have a very thriving farmer's market here, and I have always been big on baking, so I am planning this year to start getting a stall there regularly and selling. The amount of people that would put you in contact with is great, just because you'd be talking to so many customers (and non-customers even) each day, and a ton of the people who go to farmer's markets are the type of people who'd fit in splendidly here at frugal.

Anyway, good luck in your search!

upandtill · 1 year

I feel like I'm looking at a math test question, and the answer is D) Not enough information. You said you had more than one "significant" relationship fall apart because of your partner's "crazy" spending habits. Can you elaborate? Give specific examples of the crazy behaviors and so called "delusions" of these people, because I suspect that either one of two things are happening here: A) you keep hooking up with the wrong personality type, or B) your preoccupation with protecting your finances is actually really more of an obsession that is causing your relationships to crumble. Hopefully it's the first, because that's an easier fix, but we need more details before we can help you.

patefoisgras · 1 year

Uh, I personally think that would be going about it the wrong way. You choose a frugal lifestyle to enhance the life you share with your SO, not choose a SO to match your frugal needs.

lux44 · 1 year

Try traveling to some poorer countries and find a SO there. Quite a popular trend I would say. I live in a ex-Soviet country and frugal lifestyle is alive and well. Local women tend to prefer richer foreigners anyway: more opportunities for kids and all that. To ease your planning: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_GDP_(PPP)_per_capita

thebeegirl · 1 year

Well, look at the girl. If she has fake nails, fancy clothes and dyed hair she MAY not be frugal. Those things are expensive (usually unless you do it all yourself).
I seriously like to get wooed when I am dating but that doesnt mean expensive restaurants but NOT McDonalds. I expect someone to be thoughtful and taking me great places (and I of course, do the same).

There was just a discussion about weddings. People were takling about how expensive weddings are. They are talking about 30,000 for a wedding. If my husband talked like that I would think he was a lunatic. (We had AN awesome wedding for 9ishK and well, we are pretty comfortable financially)

Look for red flags. Do they depend on their parents for help?? Drive a car a bit nicer that they can afford? Really it's all about living with in your means.

I'm older than most redditors so I have seen a lot of marriages and divorces. It's crazy how a lot of men date these high maintenance women then are shocked when they are going for facials and NEED Coach bags. Oh yeah, there is one. There's an indicator. Not foolproof but fancy bags are a tip off!

wcc445 · 1 year

I'm sorry but this is a bit ridiculous. Choosing a partner based on monetary reasons is a fairly messed up way to go about it. Isn't the whole point of being frugal to live with less financial worry? Isn't this the definition of money negatively affecting your life when you choose a partner based on money?

NaziNigger · 1 year

Concentration camps?

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