TIL men should avoid doing something nice when it involves helping a child

Jesus_marley · 1 year

It isn't restricted to the children of strangers. I took my infant daughter into the mens room at a mall so I could change her bum and when I came out of the stall there was a team of mall security waiting for me because they received a report of a suspicious male with a small child in the bathrooms. So yeah, the culture isn't so much one of "stranger danger" but one of "penis danger".

babno · 1 year

As a lifeguard, if I had to interact with any kid and their mother was present, there was about a 1 in 3 chance I would get yelled at. Twice I was called a pedo as I helped kids regain the use of their lungs (We don't do mouth to mouth, we use these).

I just remember that it's the moms who are shits, not the kids, and having a less than exemplary mother at times, I would never want to punish the kid because of the mother.

Please understand that the kid knows you helped and will remember it. The vast majority of rescues where I got accused of whatever the mother stopped bringing their children there. And yet the kids made an effort to try and call, send letters or even sneak back to the pool by themselves to thank me. Feels good man, and helped make it worth it.

MuFoxxa · 1 year

I was once at the mall with my wife and 2 year old daughter. My daughter and I went to look around in toys r us while my wife was in another store.

My daughter while we were playing around in the aisles tripped and hurt her knee. As I was making sure she was ok I noticed she was in need of a diaper change (this was right at the end of her wearing diapers). So off I went toward the washroom with teary eyed sniffy 2 year old in hand to change her. Well apparently this didn't sit with with some of the women who saw us because while I was changing her IN THE MENS ROOM, one of the women burst in demanding to know what I was doing with that child!

I was shocked and confused as I thought the fact that I was changing a diaper was fairly obvious and I told her to get out as she tried to reach over and grab my daughter off the table. She left and I finished getting my little one all cleaned up and with a sesame street band-aid on her knee which pleased her quite a bit.

Imagine my shock when I come out to find my self surrounded by several women and a couple of their husbands. A couple of the men immediately grabbed me while one of the women tried to take my daughter. Now this didn't go over quite as well as they expected. Because you see, I'm 6.ft1, and 275lbs of GET YOUR F*CKING HANDS OFF MY DAUGHTER ass kicking father. So the 1 of the men ends up on the ground holding testicles, and the other is choking from a throat punch and I gently take my daughter back from the women who looks like she is about to pee herself.

At this VERY moment my wife, who was apparently coming looking for us runs up screaming at the people to get their hands off of her husband and daughter. Within seconds a mall cop and an off duty police man are on scene as well and we all basically get hauled off into a back room where the women were claiming I had hit the child and dragged her viciously to the back room with the child screaming to get away from me. And that they wanted to charge ME with assault when as far as I knew I was responding to an attack and potential abduction of my daughter by strangers.

This is the point that the people start to realize that they should have actually spoken before trying to grab my child. That maybe, just MAYBE a man with a young child is not some sicko kidnapping bastard.

Needless to say the malls and toys r us's video tapes all showed it being EXACTLY as I said and how they had attacked me without saying anything to me first. The police officer ripped them all a new one and after I added some choice words of my own we left. I've not gone back to that mall since. This was when I first noticed that all of the adoring "oh isn't that cute" looks women would give a father carrying around a young baby had shifted to suspicious looks of "is he suppose to be with that child?".

apophthegm · 1 year

Dude! Almost the exact same thing happened to me! (minus the police).

24 year old guy here. I was travelling through an airport alone a few months ago, just minding my own beeswax, and suddenly a little girl came into my vicinity calling "Mommy?! Mommy?!". She was obviously lost and distressed-- looking around frantically and on the verge of tears. Maybe somewhere between the age of 5 and 6. At first, I did nothing - fearing the exact reaction that the OP experienced - but after hearing 7 or 8 calls and looking at everybody else and seeing that nobody was going to help her, I went up to her and tried to be comforting, asked what her mommy looked like and told her that everything was going to be OK.

So, of course, as I'm crouched down talking to this little girl, trying to decide what to do, her mom appears (also frantic) and takes the little girl by the hand and practically rips her away from me, and as she's walking away she gives me the dirtiest look I've ever experienced in my entire life.

I didn't even have time to explain that I was trying to help. I just crouched there, dumbfounded, and felt like the biggest fucking creep in the world; like the eyes of the entire airport had shifted to me and passed judgement.

Fuck. That. Shit.

Try and do a good deed and instantly get mind-labelled as some sort of predator pedophile. And what makes it even worse is that I was expecting it. It's completely ridiculous that I can't even try and help a lost kid without people questioning my intentions. Are we, as a society, so jaded? OK, so I had been travelling for 30+ hours and I'm sure I looked exhausted and slightly haggard; but that doesn't mean I'm out to snatch kids and mutilate them for pleasure in my garden shed.

This goddamn society is so xenophobic... I know because I'M so goddamn xenophobic. I feel it every day. I hate it, but it's in me. You couldn't go a week in school without getting that mantra drilled into your head, "don't talk to strangers, strangers are bad, strangers can hurt you, strangers will hurt you"

... and so I guess I don't blame her, the mom; but I hate that this is the way it is.

sonja_newcombe · 1 year

Yeah, cause a pedo would totally hand a kid in to security... /s

WTF happened to people using their grey matter?

Rhynovirus · 1 year

The officer (a woman) then explained to me that it looks really suspicious when a man has someone else's child with them and that next time I should refrain from helping.

Someday a man will be jailed for leaving a child to die because of advice like this and women will make a joke about it. Because men are privileged in society.

Embogenous · 1 year

God, I hate this so much. There was a really prominent case a while back where a little girl (EDIT: she was 2, thanks leprendun) wandered around the streets a while and ended up falling into a pond and drowned. She passed a bunch of people who ignored her and when asked, they said the reason they didn't say anything is because they were afraid they'd look like pedophiles. Whenever a parent lashes out to cover up their own failings or acts on their paranoia, they're fostering an environment that seriously won't remotely prevent child molestation but could have drastic negative consequences for children (like the above case).

I've personally only had positive experiences with kids, which may be the social climate (I'm a New Zealander). But I look about 16 so I feel I'm probably not representative.

CMOS222 · 1 year

I live in Japan, and I saw something the very opposite of this happen yesterday. I was buying a memory card in a large department store for my camera when I saw a man walking up to the checkout holding a young boy's hand. My Japanese is limited but from what I could understand, the man explained the boy was lost and the man was not his father. The three ladies at the checkout got the kid's mother's number, called the mom and wiped away the boy's tears. Mom came and got the kid, thanked the man for helping, no big deal. Yeah western society sucks.

If I'm ever in the States and I find myself in your situation, I will shout out loud to the nearest 9 people, "Can somebody help this boy? He seems to be lost." Involve the whole terminal if you have to. And if the police tell you that you should refrain form helping, calmly reply to the police, "Really? What I did looked suspicious? Well than ask yourself this: what if I hadn't helped, what if NOBODY had helped, and instead some pedophile came along and took the kid out of the airport?"

CoolLordL21 · 1 year

Airport security is consistently made up of assholes who hate their job and want to make other people's lives miserable as well.

As for the mother, she is an idiot who either is a terrible parent or isn't good enough of one to remove all traces of doubt that she's not. Unfortunately that stereotype gave her something she could lash out with.

Question: Can they legally detain you for no reason?

THEAdrian · 1 year

it looks really suspicious when a man has someone else's child with them

what? clearly her and I have EXTREMELY different views on the definition of "suspicious"... what the fuck is suspicious about a man BRINGING THE CHILD TO THE DESK!?! a pedophile would NOT ALERT THE AUTHORITIES THAT HE HAD FOUND A MISSING CHILD! and if incidents like this keep happening, it most certainly WILL look suspicious because no smart man would dare help a child in need

next time i should refrain from helping

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK is wrong with this world when the go-to advice is "don't fucking help someone in need"? like this literally makes NO SENSE. i'm floored and the sexism and stupidity of people

if that airport police officer had any shred of competency, she would have told that woman to stop being an inconsiderate bitch and to thank the man that potentially SAVED her child from an ACTUAL KIDNAPPER

Unenjoyed · 1 year

You should speak to her supervisors, because she's clearly an incompetent asshat who will probably put others in danger.

shady8x · 1 year

The proper response was to call social services on her.

minibeardeath · 1 year

I have yet to have a big issue with this, but I have gotten several warnings from my mom and dad about helping out kids. Although the advice I have gotten from them has been very useful.

One event that comes to mind is when my family went on a day trip to a local merry-go-round for nostalgia (I was 19 and my bro was 16). When my brother and were done riding the merry-go-round, I noticed a short mom having trouble lifting her 2 kids off of the horses. Being tall and a Boy Scout, I went over and offer assistance, she said okay and I gently lifted the two kids off the horse and set them on the ground, and she said thanks. It was no big deal, I was just being nice.

When I go back to sit with my parents, the very first thing my dad tells me is that if I have to lift a child up like that (putting my hands under the arm pits) I should always keep my hands fully extended rather than holding the kid's rib cage so that nobody can accuse me of trying to feel up the little 4 year old girl. At the time my first thought was "what sort of retard would think that", and I think that is a valid opinion, but it boggles the mind that I could've actually gotten in trouble for that, while my girlfriend would not even have to think once about going and doing the same exact thing.

drockers · 1 year

We really need to have a "million man march". Wear suits and show up with signs that say

I AM NOT A RAPIST

I AM NOT A PAEDOPHILE

I AM NOT A KIDNAPPER

I AM A MAN

TheBauhausCure · 1 year

This is absolutely disgusting. I am so, so sorry this happened to you. If it helps, one time I [F] was in Toys R Us in the city buying Sea Monkey's and a little girl was lost and crying by the science stuff. I took her by the hand and started to walk with her to customer service when her mother ran up and started screaming at me. Maybe it's just a mother thing?

Stratisphear · 1 year

Really? You took him to a security guard and they accuse you of pedophilia? That's like kidnapping 101. Don't take them to the cops...

rightsbot · 1 year

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PizzaTime826 · 1 year

I personally saw a child all alone and crying at the mall once (5 years old I think?). I wanted to go over and talk to the kid to lead them to a security person, but I remember hearing past stories of men getting in trouble for helping...I'm not getting arrested for for being a good Samaritan in this case.

I instead kept one eye on the kid from a distance, and one eye searching for a security person or someone "official" (FYI aside, no one else gave a crap about that kid, men and women). Couldn't find anyone, but the kid wandering 10 feet and then his mom came back and scolded him...."Phew Glad to see the kid wasn't lost, he just has crappy parents instead!"

TerriChris · 1 year

My neighbor waved goodbye to his daughter from his car as he drove off from elementary school playground. It launched a three state manhunt for this child molester.

When he saw himself on the television that night, he turned himself in.

A teacher did not see the girl get out of his car, only that she was waved at by a man in a car. The teacher contacted the school's administrators, also women, and the search was on.

The fault is feminist's victim culture where men are bad, and woman and children are victims.

majofski · 1 year

This problem seems to be unique to America and specific to men. I have not noticed this in any other parts of the world.

One time specifically, I was with an American girl in Vegas. We were at the hotel pool, when we noticed a man videotaping a young child. It was clearly obvious that this man was the fathers child for a number of reasons. It was extraordinarily interesting for me to see my friend's reaction to this. She was immediately suspicious, and started mouthing out some pretty horrible shit against the man. I assured her it was the child's father, but she was adamant he was a pedophile.

BlazeFlame · 1 year

This is what really irks me about society. I recently got into some legal trouble with helping someone much younger than me out. I was told by a friend basically "If a kid is less than 16 years old, don't even talk to him." I kinda left speechless but i was more speechless because I knew he was right...

gnimsh · 1 year

Today I went to the bus stop where a mother and her little daughter were standing. I guess I looked suspicious because about 1 minute later the mother and her daughter were no longer standing at the bus stop but 50 ft down the sidewalk from me.

All that I've really learned from these incidents as well as being male and walking at night is that women assume the worst. You're either after their kids or following them to rape them. They live in a constant state of fear.

BinaryShadow · 1 year

I have left scared children alone to fend for themselves because of this attitude. Hope those careless moms are happy.

SelfMadeOrphan · 1 year

I'd like to point out that some people are raised to be suspicious of men around or with children. I know because that's the way my mother raised me. I guess I'd have to thank her if I ever talked to her again. After all as a trans man that knowledge has to come in handy. I won't make the mistake of being caught trying to help a child while male.

jrik23 · 1 year

I am terrified by this attitude. I have a 3 month old son. How will women react to a father with their son? How will I be treated? Will my paternity be challenged? How do I fight it if it is? These are all questions that I face when I go out with my son in public. I can already see the questioning stares of others as I hold my son through a grocery store.

DerpMatt · 1 year

Isnt this a repost? I feel like I have read it before.

Irrel_M · 1 year

The owner of those deleted comments down there is Ser_Jamie. Please make sure to look down on him as a coward.

MrJMaxted0291 · 1 year

I used to babysit two girls, and from time to time their mum would ask me to take them and the dog for a walk alng the river. An old lady stopped me along the riverside, out right accused me of being a pedophile right there and then, and told me to stay where I was while she called the police. Being really, really old she didnt have a mobile and scampered off to presumably find a phone.

We waited for 10 minutes, then realised it was getting a little late as we were due back before 4:00, so in the end we just bailed.

procom49 · 1 year

Reading stories like this always give me such a frustration that lasts the entire day! I don't know if this subreddit is good for my health

greasepunk1979 · 1 year

[deleted]

djstawes · 1 year

This might get buried at this point, but it needs to be said:

Fuck what people might think of you, or what could happen. If someone needs help, you help them. End of story.

ExistentLOList · 1 year

Interesting. I am a children's photographer, and I also happen to be female.

I've been out shopping for props at stores, and sometimes I want to check the proportions of the potential prop to a child, so I'll just look for a child about the size I'd be photographing and say to the mother, "Excuse me, can I borrow your adorable daughter for a moment? I'm a children's photographer and I think I want to buy this as a prop, but I'd like to see if it'll work out." If I say it with a friendly smile, there's never a problem. In fact, I've never had a mother turn me down. Imagine a man doing that.

Also, I've been in schools where teachers have left me completely alone with a child. We're talking one or two years old. Nobody has ever had a problem with me just picking the kid up and walking around the school with him/her to find out which class the child belongs to. I just pick them up and walk away with them. If someone sees me carrying a child that isn't mine, they just thank me for bringing them back. Imagine a man doing that.

I can hug the children, call them handsome/gorgeous, tease them ("Hey Johnny, you're handsome, do you have a girlfriend?...Can I be your girlfriend?"), and nobody so much as blinks.

I never thought too much about it until a while back when I had the sudden realization that a man would not be able to do half of the things I'm allowed to do. All of it is completely innocent, but I'm pretty sure a man wouldn't receive the same benefit of the doubt that I get. It's pretty sad. I see things like this all the time at work, and there are so many times when I wonder how the scenarios would've ended if I switched genders.

[deleted] · 1 year

The only answers you should have given after her "suspicious" statement.. 1. Let me speak with a male officer. 2. Am I under arrest? 3. Am I free to go? 4. Why am I being detained? All conversations with law enforcement officials in any capacity are official interviews! SHUT THE FUCK UP! This goes for teachers, school staff, ER nurses, etc. They are trained to assume you are guilty.

vegibowl · 1 year

Holy mother of Christ. I'm disgusted. Please allow me to thank you for helping that poor little fart. If that were my kid I'd have bought you a beer.

Holoscope · 1 year

This is going to end up on SRS sooner or later.

KRATOSBRAH · 1 year

This is precisely why in the event of a disaster/catastrophe, you as a Man should FLEE. FLEE. RUN AWAY. ESCAPE. GTFO. No, don't let the Women and Children go first, no, don't help them, you're a rapist or a pedophile if you do!

qwertytard · 1 year

I'm really looking forward to being a dad now and fucking with people Bring it on

Belgian_Rofl · 1 year

I once held a door to my college library for a girl. Little did I know she was one of those extreme feminists; she started to yell at me, slowly escalating to a shout, how I shouldn't make assumptions about how weak women are, and equality and much the like. It then turned to men bashing how all men are pigs; that's when I let the door slam in her face and walked away. Security was less then impressed, and questioned me about the incident and couldn't fathom why she would go off uninstigated, so clearly it was my fault. Her side of the story, of course, was blaming me as a man for the world's ills. That's pretty much when they realized that it I hadn't done anything wrong, but still made a show to talk to me and try and address some kind of punishment. Fortunately, the small soft spoken, librarian spoke up for me, and said something along the lines that I hadn't done anything wrong. If she hadn't I still don't know what would have happened to me for holding open a door.

It was actually on that day that I ran into my first men's rights article, and I don't think I would have given it the attention I did if that didn't happen. So I guess I should thank that feminist for leading me onto a path away from ignorance.

oneiorosgrip · 1 year

To be blunt, that mother is an idiot.

First of all, she misplaced her child at a fucking airport! Holy fucking shit! Do I need to even go into how stupid and dangerous that was? Really? And you were the bad guy for helping? Right.

Second, who the hell's fault is it that her son accepted your approach? Has she not bothered to teach him 1) about strangers, and 2) what to do if he gets lost? Again, good Samaritan, bad mothering. (Not saying bad mother, just bad mothering moment, mind you. But let the flaming begin, fems.) She had no business bitching at you.

Third, I suspect that the real reason she did was because she was embarrassed that she was caught losing her kid at the airport, may have feared that someone would call the dreaded Child Pilfering (aka Protection) Agency, and used society's sexism against men as a let's-change-the-subject shield. That really, really doesn't justify what she did, just a possible explanation as to either why she did it, or at least one contributing reason for her behavior.

BUT: Fourth... this is why women in general have no right to complain that there are no nice guys left. If every time a guy is nice or helpful to anyone, he gets attacked for it, then why would he continue to be nice or helpful? It strikes me that women like this are inadvertently living the "self-fulfilling prophesy" by training men who are just regular guys to act like assholes in self-defense.

Finally - in answer to your question, sort of, multiple times, but only secondhand. For example, I once had to treat a severe skin and respiratory reaction my brother had to being maced in the face for helping protect a woman from her attacker. That is how he learned not to get in the middle of a fight between two women. The one on the floor with the bloody face and broken nose maced him for taking the rest of the beating that was intended for her, because she was more scared of just having a large man beside her than she was of getting the shit pounded out of her by another woman.

9001 · 1 year

Yeah. Kid's on his own as far as I'm concerned. I won't sacrifice my freedom to help some kid.
Sad that our society has given me this attitude, but there it is.

PresidentCleveland · 1 year

Isn't it just as likely, that you're a pedophile, as a woman might be kidnapping a child because she's crazy and wants one? Whatever you're a good man for trying to help karma will get back to you someday.

SarenAtrius · 1 year

Oh man. I would've been livid. I probably would have went to jail. Kudos to your self control.

pocketknifeMT · 1 year

I am in my 20's, but my father, when he was a child, learned to play chess from the guy down the street, and used to frequently play matches against him. My grandfather doesn't have any love of chess, but I know how to play chess because 50 years ago a neighbor of my grandfather wasn't worried about being labelled a pedophile for teaching my father chess; so my father could go on to teach me.

I believe Apple computers owes a debt to this as well. The founders were all from a neighborhood with tons Lockheed engineers, and you could get a cursory education (and see equipment you would never see otherwise) by riding your bike up and down the block and asking neighbors. There is plenty of stuff I could teach neighborhood kids. I have cool shit that would interest them. They could learn all sorts of practical stuff that schools won't teach them. As it stands, I would only do this for my kids alone. I don't need the crazy liability society places for men interacting with kids. Hell, turning the neighborhood kids away alone is a risky scenario.

Best practice is to literally avoid children.

Glad the schools are doing a bang up job of teaching kids, otherwise they might be missing out on something.

Downhilldude · 1 year

I was always good friends with my cousins from the moment they were born. I am 14 years older than the eldest, I always helped care for them when they visited my parents and hung around a lot after I moved out, spending holidays and more together. Then comes puberty.

My aunt got her daughters phones at the ages of 11 and 9. The eldest texted me lots and we chatted. He bus let her out at my uni, so I'd see her there and say hi. Things were great, it was like I had a little sister.

A couple years ago my aunt accosted me in a local bookstore and told me straight out that it was inappropriate for me to be friends with my cousins because I was single. I was floored. Coupled with the horror of what she was implying, there was the embarrassment to be called out like this in public. The looks of disgust that the staff shot me as I was told to get out of my cousins life will never leave me. I've never been more embarrassed in my life.

LadyOlduvai · 1 year

It is truly a sign of social disease when people have to be more concerned about the potential negative ramifications of helping others than the potential good that comes from doing so.

I applaud anyone and everyone who is unwilling to turn their back on the suffering of a fellow creature simply because there are so many people who have been indoctrinated with the idea that the world is a horribly frightening place filled with horrible frightening people.

We need to address the systemic issues that create the climate of fear and distrust of our fellows that perpetuates the stigmas that are attached to those who are "unknowns" or "different" - whether that is due to sex, gender or social groupings of any sort.

We also need to learn how to develop our instincts so that we actually take the time to discern the reality of the potential threats among us, safeguarding ourselves from INDIVIDUALS not from entire categories of people.

Ignorance of the truth (like the fact that in most of the Western World these sorts of crimes [randomly predatory paedophilia and random abductions] are extraordinarily RARE) and the overly simplistic "safety messages" that we feed our children and ourselves are the sources of much of society's fears. (Stranger Danger!) I often remember while I was being taught these things in school that if I was supposed to be afraid of all strangers, how was I ever expected to make new friends?

It is horrific that so many people are far more willing to put the onus on others to protect themselves from the few dangers that really do exist by seriously over-inflating the real threat potential and demanding institutional action.

Paedophilia is not new, rape is not new, abductions are not new, they are simply far more visible due to the increasing availability of instantaneous mass communication. The downside of this is that those who use the media to make their living have to keep people interested in hearing what they are saying. The easiest way to do this is to convince them there is something to fear and that only the 'media' has the power to tell you how to protect yourself from it as well as having the responsibility to make sure that everyone knows that the danger exists. Thus it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle that in increasingly becoming more detrimental to our everyday existence.

The Western World has never been a safer society in which to live... but you sure wouldn't know that by living in it!

tl:dr Helping people = good! Being afraid of media-hyped bogeymen and demanding government action to protect us from them = BAD!

Tigerantilles · 1 year

If she made the police detain you, she earned herself a libel suit.

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