Why do women put me down for being with someone who does not make as much money as I do?

Jenny-Mc · 1 year

Because despite the belief and rise in acceptance of equality, gender roles are still very much prevalent, even in women. The idea of a man's worth as a person is very much tied to his ability to earn. It's the culture of the disposable male.

EternalSummer639 · 1 year

While I think gender roles play a part in others' perceptions, I wonder if it's more because of your boyfriends' past and homelessness that makes friends and family wary of a situation where they perceive someone might be taking advantage of you. Obviously this isn't the case, but it might be hard for them to see it.

msimpson83 · 1 year

Why would you need to "whore yourself out to someone with more money?" It seems like you've got plenty for the both of you.

I make a fair amount more than my husband does. Not quite the wage difference of you and your SO, but about $10,000 per year more than he does. This wage discrepancy is in no way due to my college degree and his lack thereof; it's just pure luck. We both work in shitty call centers, mine pays $14/hour his pays $9/hour.

I do sometimes worry that he feels emasculated by my relative success, but then I bought him Diablo III and it doesn't seem to be a problem.

Catbunny · 1 year

I also feel that people equate making more money to being a harder worker. I am sure he works harder at his lower paying jobs than some of the people talking behind your backs ever did.

If it is working for you guys than it doesn't matter what anyone else says. Tell them you are tired of their judgmental attitudes. While you appreciate that maybe they are concerned for you, they need to find a better and more respectful way of showing it.

Also, he doesn't NEED to go to college. If he feels it necessary to get some higher/targeted education at some point, trade schools may be the way to go for him.

SHBM12 · 1 year

As long as it doesn't bother you, don't listen to what other people try tell you!

vlk4 · 1 year

Tell them it's none of their business how much he makes or what you do with your money. My mom gets pissed off at me because me and my boyfriend split the costs of big stuff and sometimes I'll pay if we go out to dinner. As if we were - GASP - equals! How dare neither of us make a man take care of us?

BearDanger · 1 year

Ugh, I totally get this. There was a time period of about 9 months where my boyfriend didn't have a job - at the time we'd been together almost eight years. My grandparents, on multiple occasions, voiced concern about his inability to find a new job - as though this made him a bad partner. My relationship with him is NOT based on his employment! It made me wonder if all those years they had disliked him and just finally found something 'legitimate' to gripe about, or if they really thought this was a good reason to end a relationship.

n33dyourlov3 · 1 year

Love isn't about the size of a persons wallet.

Karmadoodle · 1 year

They know youre not living up to your true bloodsucking potential by staying with the weaker male. Now go out there and fuck your way into some money!!

I3km · 1 year

I got the same thing from nearly all of my female friends when I was working and my boyfriend (now husband) was not working (in university). He was in a similar situation to yours, but we decided that we'd find a way for him to go to school because he wanted to.

Male friends had no comment at all. I got considerably less shit when we moved for his job and I was unable to find employment in my field in that area. Instantly lots less criticism.

Amusingly enough, I got shit both times from one particular friend. First he (bf) was mooching off me, then I was being a useless housewife. Her words, not mine. As a result I no longer have those friends. Or really, any.

unassumingname · 1 year

I wonder, if the situation were switched- you were the one making less money and the man were making more, would they be acting the same way?

Sounds like a case of good, old, inherent sexism.

sunshighnedaydreams · 1 year

My mom made more than my dad for a long time and a lot of people tried to talk her out of marrying him. Her sister told her that "you can marry more in a day than you can earn in a lifetime." Very true, but my aunt's husband(doctor) left her family for a younger woman while my parents remain happily married. My dad went on to become successful and they are still in love. Be with the man that you love and the rest will work itself out.

confused123456 · 1 year

My husband earns way more than I do. He loved computers and I loved Microbiology so it was destined to be. Anyway I get comments about being a gold digger... yup.

meo_myo · 1 year

Because they are jerks. Consider yourself too progressive for their narrow worldviews.

SirElkarOwhey · 1 year

Because they care too much about money. You don't care so much about money, and they are trying to convince you to abandon your values and take up theirs instead.

Don't.

warriorsmurf · 1 year

"Hey, women in general, please account for the actions of some assholes!"

Insert winky face, I'm kidding, and people who judge based on old-timey standards are douchebags.

TenNinetythree · 1 year

I am shocked about this behaviour. Seriously. Which century is this?

juckele · 1 year

I'm dating a girl who is 5 years younger than me and makes a little less than me (about the same as the OP), but will probably be making a lot more than me in 5-10 years. She went to an Ivy League school, I went to a state college, she works a more hour intensive and stressful job.

It honestly makes me feel a little uncomfortable, because somewhere in my mind is the lurking idea that women get men who make more than them. I would never question this situation if it was external or theoretical, but suddenly when it becomes personal and real, my cultural bias leaps out of a box. This is even as an ardent feminist who would love to be a home maker. : /

Repyro · 1 year

Gender roles and the fact that historically one of the greatest opponents to women's rights and equality has been other women.

It's saddening that it's the 21stI century and a lot of the issues that were here a century ago are still present, albeit in a more subtle and underlying way.

JessHWV · 1 year

I am the sole breadwinner for myself and my boyfriend because I am physically and mentally healthy and he is neither. My mom and stepdad want him to take care of me and always say stuff like "You're too pretty for him; you could get a rich guy" or "He's just using you." My dad is smarter than that and he understands that we wouldn't still be together for almost 4 years if he wasn't doing anything for me.

My friends are usually pretty understanding and they like my boyfriend, but sometimes situations come up where I feel like he's being disrespected. Ex: we're in an open relationship and when I told one of my guy friends I was sexually interested in him, he immediately bragged to one of our mutual friends that I "must not be getting it right at home." Yeah...so obviously that little adventure didn't happen. I don't need anybody to get an attitude like that.

My boyfriend is worth something as a person, not just for what he does. I'm glad that other women feel the same way! =)

lurveloaveluff · 1 year

I think what they might be worried about is him freeloading off of you? As long as he isn't there's nothing wrong with this pay gap.

Do you guys split rent evenly? Or is is skewed because you're making so much more?

Poptartica · 1 year

I know what you mean. It hurts me to feel this vibe (and sometimes knowing glares) from my family because my boyfriend did not lead as privileged a life as I did.

I just don't get it. As a woman, I always thought that if I worked hard and succeeded with what I was given, I could make my own choices. I didn't have to depend on a man for financial sustenance if that did not make me happy. I am working towards that goal now, because that's who I want to be as a person, in part. Shouldn't this mean that I get to enjoy that freedom, to be able to choose a partner that actually makes me incredibly happy?

maya81a · 1 year

It amazing that in today people are still so close minded. Women who make a lot of money don't need to have a man with a large income, they already money! Also, partners of such women tend to be real partners: they help with chores and help look after children, and treat their women better. I think that everyone else's opinion doesn't matter at all. It's about your happiness. If you happy with him, your real friends will come to accept that.

vteeny · 1 year

I think it might have something to do more with his apparent lack of motivation to make his life better on his own/taking the easy way out by letting you take care of him. It's more a reflection on him than on you.

ungoy1 · 1 year

Why do they know his and your income? Also, I have a very successful female friend who has a long time boyfriend with a history of unsteady income. As far as I know, we have never mentioned it to her and no one has ever mentioned it to me as gossip. It's no ones business and maybe consider not confiding everything in those types of people who will judge based on anything. That being said, always protect yourself financially and make sure your assets are protected and that your boyfriend has your best interests (and not your salary) in mind.

[deleted] · 1 year

I think both men and women are criticized when they partner up with someone who makes significantly less than they do. I know my parents criticized both my brother and sister and I equally when our partners didn't bring in the same cash as we did. So it's not exclusive to women I don't think.

DoubleCrosser · 1 year

This is an easy one. They're jealous.

They are obviously insecure in their own relationships (which are apparently conditional on their male partners making more money), so they're jealous that you not only have a good relationship with your boyfriend, but you have SUCH a good relationship with him that he doesn't even have to make a certain salary to keep you (like THEIR male partners have to).

I know it's easier said than done, but shrug off the haters. They aren't worth keeping as friends, but if you think they are, use your situation to educate them!

EDIT: Forgot to add, congrats on the job, and you sound like a great person considering how you and your boyfriend met and all. :)

midwestwatcher · 1 year

As an alternative view, I would like to say the following: once in a while I come across posts that depict something that is not actually about gender, but are rare events that LOOK like they are about gender. Obviously you know your own situation best, but I have a hunch that was is really going on is something to the effect where your parents and friends view you as successful in life in every sense of the word, and there is this expectation that you pick from the same pool of "success." I think this pressure would exist regardless of if you were male or female. Your parents and friends may simply think that since you CAN pick from this pool, you should.

This expectation still exists today because in all honesty, most people do seem to marry someone of their own class/social standing, and it is rare enough that someone from the "successful" pool dates outside that pool that your parents decided to say something. Beyond that, if your long term plan includes having this guy doing house work and child raising (if you are so inclined) then it may also be a good idea to talk to your family about your view of gender roles, but beyond that I think this one may not be about gender.

aerynjbson · 1 year

In my relationship, I bring home the pig, my bf brings home some ham. In all honesty it doesn't bother me one bit.I have the capacity to provide for us, so I like to use that opportunity.

Him and I have really good relationship. And he helps out in areas I don't have time for. He is also the one who drives me to work and picks me up, he's the one who calms me down from a panic attack, hes the one who remembers damn near everything and uses that memory to get me these little thoughtful gifts that show he pays attention to me and respects me. Hes the one who will bring me another pair of undies when mine seem to be in wedgie city that day. Hes the one who gives me tons of cuddles...

In short it doesn't matter that I make more than him,because I love him and him and I are happy and stable together. The ones who are putting you down are being petty and are most likely jealous of your relationship happiness.

MrMiracle26 · 1 year

This. A million times this. You'd be amazed that, as a guy, I still encounter women who believe in "equity" but are insulted when presented with the idea of ever having to pay for anything. Even half the check or god forbid, one night at the movies.

alirage · 1 year

I actually don't think this is a gender issue, I think it's a class issue. My brother probably has just as much pressure as I do to be with someone who is either as successful or more successful than he is. Society has been this way for a while--it's about the continuation of fortune and standing. For example, have you ever read stuff like Jane Eyre? For centuries rich families have been very happy to marry their sons off to women who were from even richer families. In fact it was preferred.

kcallz · 1 year

Much of the reason why my parents got divorced!

mermaidhairnoocares · 1 year

My mother has always made much more than my father. At times I think this bothers him, but he has much to give to our family other than money. We would be lost without my dad in our lives. Relationships should be a balanced distribution of good qualities, not just money. Sure, if your boyfriend was lazy and had nothing good to contribute to your life, that would be unacceptable. But there is more to life than just money and everyone has something special to offer.

poli_ticks · 1 year

They're jealous.

Next easy!

mandano · 1 year

Wow, 70k just of university? What do you do? Are you an engineer?

Ragark · 1 year

don't be surpised. sexism can come from anyone.

turtlekitty30 · 1 year

They're jealous. And they can't seem to move past 1950.

If you have a great guy in your life with whom you have love, trust, respect, and a good sex life, then fuck em all, you've got a great thing going. He can always go to school or score a decent-paying job in the future if he chooses to. if people can't accept and respect that, then that's their problem for being so close-minded.

Michi_THE_Awesome · 1 year

I don't know. Perhaps they feel inferior in some way? They also seem to be the same kind of women who put down women who choose traditional gender roles (house wife, stay at home mother, etc).

guraqt06 · 1 year

My fiance was in a shitty situation when we started dating (minimum wage job, crappy apartment, stalled college degree, etc) and my friends and family expressed similar concerns about our relationship. Yeah it was annoying, but I eventually came to understand that they were just looking out for me and wanted to make sure that I wasn't being taken advantage of by "some guy." It definitely got a lot better once they all got to know him and he started to get his life back on track, though. My mom told me that one of her big concerns was that I was settling for a guy who wasn't as ambitious or as smart as me, which would cause problems down the road as I advanced in my career and we (possibly) started a family together. Now that she sees how happy we are together and better understands our relationship dynamic, she's a lot less worried and actively tries to include him as part of the family. Let them get to know you guys better as a couple - they'll come around.

Karmadoodle · 1 year

[deleted]

turtleshellmagic · 1 year

I'm presently make more money than my SO and actually nobody has said a word about it surprisingly.

It really doesn't matter :/

noonbreakin · 1 year

And if the genders were switched in this same scenario, the guy would seem incredibly generous and would has all the praise

catsfive · 1 year

I upvote all 2X posts that correctly and adeptly expose 2X hypocrisy. Hence, I can only post replies every 9 minutes. Good for you. Principles. Finally. It's actually 2012 thanks to you. I have a lot of respect for you. Cheers.

EveryoneElseIsWrong · 1 year

i wouldn't be able to do it because i don't want to pay for someone else. i plan to make enough money to support myself for the rest of my life regardless of if i get married. i don't want to pay for someone else (unless it's my kid) and i don't want someone else to pay for me. but that's me, so whatevs.

kisarra · 1 year

[deleted]

reeksofhavoc · 1 year

Why do you point the finger at women?

Men do this too.

It has nothing to do with money it has to do with standards.

Dating a homeless person? You say this is a mature relationship yet you two are acting like teenagers.

Do the two of you split the bills equally?

Mugendai · 1 year

I'm 23 years old and I'm lucky enough to have landed a great job.. I make 70k a year plus bonus. My boyfriend did not go to college because he could not afford it and had no one to help him with loans or cosign anything. He's worked odd jobs here and there and is currently a part time cook and bartender. Needless to say he does not make anywhere close to what I make.. But I'm fine with that. When I met him he was homeless

Wow, he must be really good-looking.

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