so true. i have a thing about mustard- i can't stand it. no, that's not strong enough, it's not that i don't like it, it's not that i prefer not to taste it, i absolutely hate it with a passion. i don't know why, there's no other food product in the world (except perhaps a fish head) that i have such a problem with. when i was young my mom would try to sneak a pinch of dried mustard (seriously, why do they even make that shit?) into mac & cheese because she liked the flavor, but i could taste it, and that was enough to ruin dinner. so whenever i get a burger, i make sure to ask for no mustard. well, many years ago, i was technically homeless. i say technically because it's not like i was down on my luck, got fired & lost my home, it was by choice. i had decided that my life was the suck, so i decided to end it- not kill myself, that would be too dramatic, and there were so many things i hadn't done yet, i couldn't bring myself to do anything that final. i guess i've always had a problem with commitment. so i stashed a few things of value in my dad's attic, gave/threw away the worthless crap, packed up a weeks worth of clothes and with $70 headed out on my bicycle. over 3 months, i covered 3000 miles. obviously $70 doesn't last very long, i think i stretched it about 2 weeks. i've never felt too good about accepting handouts, so i would try to work odd jobs, washing dishes, sweeping floors... at one point on a farm in oklahoma my job was to stand by with a bucket of sand while some guys were welding in dry grass. well, some places it's harder to find work than others. somewhere in texas, probably between amarillo & lubbock, i stopped at a burger joint and asked if there was anything i could do for a meal. the guy didn't have any work that needed doing, but he saw what i was up to and said, don't worry about it, i'll make you a burger. well, i didn't want charity, but on the other hand, i was really fucking hungry, so i accepted his offer, but i was so preoccupied with beating myself up for getting something i hadn't worked for, that the thought of condiments never crossed my mind. he brought me a burger, it was huge, i'm guessing at least 1/3 pound if not 1/2, with cheese, lettuce and tomato, and... slathered with mustard. for a moment i was disappointed- but by force of will alone, i refused to let it show. oddly enough, it didn't take that much effort, it was the best damn burger i ever ate.

but i still hate mustard with a passion. i couldn't do that again unless it was a similar situation.