Do you mean parents aren't there when they get home or do you mean abandoned houses?

Empty houses- eg. the parents aren't there. And I definitely don't make a value judgment on that, as by 14 most children should be capable of looking after themselves for a few hours after school. Unfortunately some kids do take it as a license to do whatever they want, and it's pretty easy for things to get out of control when there is no supervision.

I was, in fact more open (asked questions about birth, umbilical cords etc) with my relative who was a nurse than my parents. I feel bad for my parents.

Don't feel badly for them- I take it as a compliment (and a big stroke of luck) if my kids have a good relationship with a trusted adult, and we've worked hard to try to foster those kinds of relationships over the years. I always talked more to my aunt than I did to my mom, and then later to one of my sisters, even though my mom and I had a pretty good relationship. Sometimes it helps kids a lot when they can have the reassurance of talking to a trusted adult, without worrying about the Wrath of God descending on them if they've done something wrong. Of course, our kids also know (from us as well as their 'confidants') that if it is something major, they will have to tell us about it at some point.

When I was a kid I wouldn't let my parents be in the room or give them my password - I surfed way into the night - porn included - but I didn't get into trouble in school(I was pretty decent in grades). Looking at myself I know I will be a hypocrite to anyone younger than me, by advising them of this danger and that.

Part of the thing about parenting is that you want your kids to learn from what you've experienced, so I don't think that it's hypocritical to enforce rules that you didn't follow. I've been very upfront about most of my past (drug use etc), not so that I can preach, but so that I can say "don't get into a car with someone who is high or drunk, because you can end up dead. I know this because these specific people from my past are all dead because of car accidents caused by drugs or alcohol.) Living in Canada pot's pretty endemic around here, and while I don't have a problem with it in general, I sure don't want my daughter smoking it somewhere that's not safe (as well as the fact that I'm apparently allergic to it now, and if she's got the same thing, she doesn't want to be around people she doesn't know). She knows that when she's old enough (which we've purposely left pretty vague), she's going to be allowed to try pot and alcohol in the house, where she is safe, and that will give her at least some basis for making reasoned judgments. We're just lucky that she still thinks that drugs/alcohol are stupid, after seeing her friends puking and high.

As for online, we've always had very strict rules about it. Although they'll likely have computers in their rooms next year, they know that I have access to everything on their computer, and I do spot check things (I hate snooping, but it's my responsibility still, especially with my one daughter). If I'm locked out of an account, or passwords are changed, then computer privileges without an adult in the room are gone, period. Obviously all that is going to change as they exhibit more maturity, but I wouldn't be doing my job as a parent if I didn't keep track of them online.

I am a SAH mom- with 3 special needs kids, it's pretty difficult to work. Employers tend to frown on missing every other day because of child appointments or illnesses, as I've found out a few times. I'll be able to work again when everyone moves into adult programs- 4 more years!