IdealistNews: what's new in nonprofits

aenea on George R. R. Martin's Scifi Side

2010-07-31T21:22:41.575731+00:00-0700

If you liked that, check out [Sandkings](http://www.wattpad.com/67854-george-r-r-martin-sandkings). It's been a favourite short story of mine for years now.

aenea on Am I out of line here?

2010-07-31T16:56:39.036739+00:00-0700

Why not trust her to safeguard herself? She's an adult, isn't she?

aenea on The Canadian Who Holds the Key To the Internet

2010-07-31T16:48:06.605078+00:00-0700

Why not link to [the original](http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/article/841315--the-canadian-who-holds-the-key-to-the-internet)?

aenea on Re: Depression, please ask for help, please try to understand.

2010-07-31T12:52:20.623310+00:00-0700

We can always use more help in [r/depression](http://www.reddit.com/r/depression).

aenea on List of Organizations AGAINST and SUPPORTING the Government’s Position on the cancellation of the Long Form of the 2011 Census.

2010-07-31T12:30:26.416292+00:00-0700

Except that a [voluntary system](http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/politics/us-tested-then-scrapped-voluntary-census/article1645137/) is useless as far as collecting comprehensive and useful data.

The $2 camisole: How cheap is ruining our lives

Sat, 31 Jul 2010 10:32:50 +0000

submitted by aenea to Frugal
[link] [152 comments]

aenea on The right of women to choose whether they have home births is being questioned by a top medical journal.

2010-07-31T03:27:04.889497-07:00-0700

>Humanity has survived giving birth for hundreds of thousands of years in non-hospital settings. And historically, death in childbirth was a leading cause of death for both women and infants. I am all for home births, but I wouldn't use the historical precedent as a justification for them. I had one of those 'high-risk' pregnancies so our planned home birth couldn't take place- when we found out it I was carrying triplets it was almost a race between our midwife and ourselves to say "hospital" first, because it would have been irresponsible on everyone's part to attempt a home birth. I think that generally home births should be the preferred option (with medical support quickly available) for most families, and I would much prefer it if Canada had as much institutional support for midwives as the UK does. Certainly (unless you're very lucky), a midwife will give you much more support than any hospital staff is able to, with far fewer interventions. That said, I do think that there can be a tendency towards blindness towards real complications in some home-birth circles (not from the midwives themselves, but from advocates)- I don't think that it's any 'worse' than the blindness that sees all home-births as bad, but it would be nice if families were able to make their childbirth decisions according to the needs of their family with real information, and no guilt.

aenea on This is in no way intended to belittle anyones decisions, but do any of you regret having your children?

2010-07-31T10:07:18.844434+00:00-0700

Overall I don't regret it, and I certainly wouldn't give them back, but I'm not sure that if I had a do-over that I would have chosen to continue with the pregnancy. I got pregnant while on the pill, had triplets (we didn't find that out until 15 weeks), they all turned out to be autistic, one of them got cancer, and then my son developed aggression and self-injury to the point where he has to live in a group home with intensive staff support in order to keep him (and his sisters) alive and healthy. My ex-husband and I had only been dating a short time when I got pregnant, and we decided to continue the pregnancy while we were still very early in the 'honeymoon phase' of our relationship. Needless to say I ended up being a single mom for 7 years, although he and I are still friends and good parents together. There are times when I feel "I just didn't sign up for this", and the constant stress and years of sleep deprivation have definitely taken a toll on my health and sanity as well as my economic situation- now that I'm considerably older it's pretty scary to realize that I'll be re-entering the work force at 50, which certainly doesn't bode well for retirement. It's been isolating as well- there aren't too many people who can deal with the baggage that comes along with being friends with a family that's so high needs, so I'm lucky that I have a few good friends. And it's been hard on the kids as well, for multiple reasons- right now I'm especially concerned about my most neurotypical daughter, because like it or not, she's going to be spending a good part of her life overseeing her siblings' care after I'm gone. I wouldn't say that I 'regret' it- my kids are pretty literally my life, and I can't really imagine what my world would be like without them. I know for sure that the world is a better place with them in it, and I also know that no matter how difficult it is for me (and my husband, and my ex) at times, it's considerably more difficult for them. I have the utmost respect for all of them because they deal with challenges every day that would break me, and they are still happy. Being a parent has taught me more about myself, about love, about my capabilities and resources, about the kindness of other people, and about what's important than anything else ever could, I think. It's also taught me a lot about joy- my kids are awesome people. So I don't regret it, but I can't say that I'm sorry that we're moving towards the adult years, or that I maybe would not have made a different choice if I knew everything that was ahead of us. Not because I don't love them or because I regret having them, but because it's just been so damned hard for everyone. (And this isn't a pity story- compared to a lot of people I know, we've been very, very lucky. Not only are my kids happy, but my daughter's cancer was pretty easily cured, and we lost a lot of our friends who were on the pediatric oncology ward with her. That was enough good luck for a lifetime for anyone.)

aenea on This drives me crazy!!

2010-07-31T09:46:34.691654+00:00-0700

>Secondly, the internet doesn't have borders so why the hell do web owners think it's alright to only allow one country to their website? Because there's no point in advertising to a market where your products aren't available, and because the Canadian networks have licensing agreements with the U.S. that guarantee that certain shows will only be watchable (to Canadians) [on Canadian networks](http://primetimetv.suite101.com/article.cfm/why_canadians_cant_watch_tv_shows_on_hulu_etc). It sounds like there's hope [that it will change](http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/opinion/westview/hulu----the-real-threat-to-canadian-tv.html).

aenea on Help?

2010-07-31T02:20:03.440518+00:00-0700

While I don't disagree with the sentiment, it's a sad fact that some people are not able to provide for their children. Even with a safety net (and we've got a bigger one in Canada than a lot of the U.S. does), there are too many kids who go to bed hungry every night, who don't get medication that they need, or who are homeless because their family does not have the means to provide for them. You might want to take a look at the [National Center for Children in Poverty](http://www.nccp.org/topics/childpoverty.html) to see see some of the problems that they face. It is certainly possible to provide for your child/ren as a single parent, and even a poor single parent (I was one for 7 years, and I have triplets). But it's sure not easy, and not always great for the kids. Unfortunately food and diapers don't magically appear when you need them.

aenea on Whenever the next election is, please vote.

2010-07-30T17:06:44.507216-07:00-0700

Or use your [health card and something with your address on it](http://www.elections.ca/content.asp?section=ele&dir=ids&document=index&lang=e&textonly=false). I didn't have any problems last election, and even vouched for a neighbour.

aenea on Need a job or I get to see my wedding fall apart. Little advice please?

2010-07-30T11:53:47.834272+00:00-0700

Weddings are not important compared to your future, especially since she's using her brain and supporting you in pursuing your education. You're likely going to be able to contribute a lot more in the future if you go further with your education- trust her instincts on this and don't worry about the wedding. Her father is being very short-sighted.

aenea on Seeking advice. I got fucked($+<3).Walk away or fight for justice?

2010-07-30T03:04:10.318395-07:00-0700

There isn't any doubt that you got screwed, and I know exactly how you feel as a similar thing happened to me. Getting other people involved (especially friends, employers, agencies etc) not only ensures that your healing time is going to be extended, but all that you're doing is lowering yourself to her level. No matter how justified you are, you will come off as the 'bad guy' the second you start involving other people, not to mention leaving yourself open to a lawsuit if you involve her employers. You also sound like a decent guy, and I can guarantee that you'll feel better about yourself in a few years if you walk away. Unfortunately sometimes you just have to chalk things up to a learning experience, and moving on and living a good life in spite of her is the healthiest thing that you can do. She will more than likely get hers in the end, and even if she doesn't, you'll know that you are the better person if you don't resort to her type of tactics.

aenea on Middle-aged women are more sexually active and enjoy better orgasms than younger women, according to the latest scientific research.

2010-07-30T02:54:20.307092-07:00-0700

It's pretty awesome :-) I always loved sex and had great orgasms when I was younger, but things ramp up considerably in your 30s. You often do have to be pretty proactive and more aware of your body around some of the mechanics once you get into early menopause (it's pretty weird when your lubrication all of a sudden goes way down), but it's very worth it.

aenea on Canada abstains from UN vote.“If Alberta makes water a commodity it would open up the market and we would have to sell on an equal basis to people outside of Canada. They (the United States) could kill us. They could take our water.”

2010-07-30T09:44:25.591283+00:00-0700

Maybe [this one[(http://www.cbc.ca/ideas/episodes/2010/06/24/speaking-truth-to-power-part-1-2/)?

aenea on Atheist and a Christian, able to last?

2010-07-29T04:13:11.914763-07:00-0700

>Or she worries the kids noticing that I dont go to church and start asking questions about it. That conversation is usually handled something like this "Different people believe different things, and Mommy and Daddy don't share the same beliefs." In our house my ex (my kids' father) and I are both atheists, and our kids only went to church occasionally- family occasions (baptisms, Christmas etc), while most of both of our extended families are regular church-goers. From an early age our kids knew that some people believe one thing, and some people believe another, and that was okay with them (it helps that we've lived in fairly multicultural areas so they know people of almost every religion as well as atheists and agnostics). My husband is culturally Jewish but not very religious, so we now celebrate Jewish holidays because they're fun and mean something to him, but again, none of us go to any religious services except with family and friends. The kids have managed to work it out. I would be concerned about her playing the "why couldn't you have been a Christian card?" when she's angry, because that indicates that she just might not be long-term happy with someone who isn't. If nothing else, if you are going to have a long-term relationship, I would really recommend having a discussion about **not** saying that in disagreements, because that's the kind of thing that will cause a lot of resentment over the years. You shouldn't be made to feel less because of your beliefs (or lack of them) any more than she should. But it's quite possible that she's just not good at fighting constructively yet, in which case going to a counselor to figure that process out would be a very good idea, as non-productive, non-positive disagreements are a quick way to misery.

aenea on Seeking advice. I got fucked($+<3).Walk away or fight for justice?

2010-07-29T10:53:55.229147+00:00-0700

Walk away. If you're not desperate for the money, it's going to be more trouble than it's worth to try to recover it. Unfortunately at times we all get burned, and it seems more important for you to get yourself back together. >I am severely tempted to post and forward our emails to everywhere to expose what this Superpsychocunt is to her family, friends, employers, regulatory agencies, etc. Do NOT do this. It's never worth it. I'm very sorry about your son...my condolences.

aenea on Atheist and a Christian, able to last?

2010-07-29T03:50:13.165995-07:00-0700

It depends on how much you both are willing to compromise, and how important your beliefs are to both of you in the way that you live your lives. It can be very difficult for a believer to be with someone who they truly believe is 'going to hell', or for a non-believer to put up with what they can see as nonsense. If you're thinking long-term, would you be comfortable with her raising your kids as Christians? Are you willing to go to church with her on occasion, and support her in her church activities? Is she willing to respect your non-belief, and not keep bringing it up? Church activities often becomes a large part of some people's social lives (especially once children are involved)- are you comfortable with her spending much of her time with other Christians? It certainly can be done- I know a lot of couples who have been together for decades and have wildly differing. From what I've seen it has a lot more to do with respecting your partner as a person and their right to make their own choices than it does with what those particular beliefs are. I know one couple who has been married for 65 years now- she's a devout Catholic, and he's an Orthodox Jew. They still regularly debate their respective debates and practices, because they respect each other so much. Another couple who I know through my parents are in a similar situation to you- he's an atheist, she's very active in the Salvation Army, and they decided many years ago just not to discuss it any more. He doesn't go to church, she's very active in it, and although their kids went to church with her until they were 16 there was never any pressure on them to believe anything past that point. Each couple works it out differently, but it can be done if you both are willing to compromise.

aenea on r/Canada, can you laugh at yourself? Just once? You exaggerate Canada's political problems to the point of comedy

2010-07-29T03:24:49.776574-07:00-0700

I don't really find the scrapping of the long-form census that funny, as the information that comes from it is used to determine transfer payments to the provinces, among other things. I'd prefer to have our levels of governments making funding decisions on things like health, education, public transportation, and social services based on good information, not by poor information that can be made to fit any particular federal government's ideology.

aenea on Hello r/canada, my sister has leukemia and I'm trying to do my part.

2010-07-29T03:06:33.072010-07:00-0700

Good luck to your sister! Canadian Blood Services are great, and I'd really encourage everyone to sign up for onematch. When my daughter had cancer many of the kids on her ward had gotten bone marrow transplants through them, and it's a very easy way to save someone's life. I hope that things go well for your sister.

aenea on Does /r/depression have a comprehensive list of anti-depressants, with users experiences, side effects, etc?

2010-07-28T16:13:11.208172-07:00-0700

That would be great :-)

aenea on Ridiculous Parenting Products

2010-07-28T18:43:06.205674+00:00-0700

I tried leashes for a bit as it was very difficult to control 3 toddlers out in public by myself. Of course I hadn't envisioned them winding themselves, each other and me up so that we couldn't move :-) I don't have a problem with them if they're used properly...I'd considerably rather see a parent who can get control if they need to out in a busy space or near busy roads than one who's trying to catch up.

aenea on Ridiculous Parenting Products

2010-07-28T10:07:41.286569-07:00-0700

[Placenta recipes](http://www.mothers35plus.co.uk/placenta-recipes.htm).

aenea on Is it possible to legally adopt an adult?

2010-07-28T15:58:17.528097+00:00-0700

I was adopted by my stepfather when I was 20...even though we'd had no contact with my biological father for a very long time (through no lack of effort on our side), he wouldn't give permission for the adoption while my brother and I were minors. The day that my brother became an adult we filed the adoption papers (Canada).

aenea on Catalonia bans bullfighting in landmark Spain vote

2010-07-28T07:04:48.462904-07:00-0700

>My understanding is that at least in the US, the creation of various SPCA organizations happened, in part, because of the realization that animal torture was primarily an activity practiced by up and coming serial killers. I'd be pretty surprised by that- the first SPCA was founded in the U.S. [in 1866](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humane_society), long before the term serial killer was even invented, or before any research had been done on them.